When we face challenges with our dreams, career struggles, health challenges or financial downfalls, we are surely in a moment of proving the power of law. A dear friend shared something with me other day and i knew i felt nothing less then the following passage. “Nichiren, … in this life was born poor and lowly to a chandala family. In my heart I cherish some faith in the Lotus Sutra, but my body, while outwardly human, is fundamentally that of an animal… Since my heart believes in the Lotus Sutra, I do not fear even Brahma or Shakra…” (WND- 1, Letter to Sado, 303). The Daishonin was on exile; he had no status, wealth or power. His situation was exactly the opposite of powerful figures of the day who were persecuting him. He lacked adequate food, clothing and shelter. All he possessed was his life. In truth, he had been stripped down to his bare humanity. Under such circumstances, the Daishonin declares that his body is “that of an animal.”
"In conclusion, after further self-reflection, the Daishonin proclaims that, because he has thoroughly and sincerely dedicated himself body and mind to the Lotus Sutra, he will attain enlightenment in both body and mind and is certain to become a Buddha. (WLS-3, 119)"
I don´t know where i stand lately while i watch my dreams turn into dust as if someone is snatching away my dreams bit by bit. Yesterday, i sat in front of my butsudan and i couldn´t even open it, i wanted to chant but my heart was so filled with emotions that i could barely catch a breath and then in a moment i decided to let go, let go of all. I knew i was fighting for no reason, if it is my mission i will get it and if not then not. Whether i like it or not, no matter how much I resist the negation part but if it is not happening then it won´t. Suddenly, i could see how the journey has always been this hard and how i have resisted it harder than the journey has been. This time i want to cry my heart out and let the resistance go away. I am not that strong but i plan to continue my practice in an another dimension. I want to let go of it all, while i just breathe in and out with nothing but my mission as a bodhisattva. I want to let go of my hunger and animal spirit.
After 4 years, exactly same time of the year i find myself crushed again with my desperation and obsession of career and goals. I know i am still hoping deep inside that i will just hear something that i will finally get an opportunity to change my fucking career karma. I am a hopeless dreamer and emotional fool like my mom always say. Though i still believe buddhism is all about following once dream yet it takes a lot of courage to chant with the conviction that, ¨As long as i am chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and i believe in Gohonzon, all will be fine and i will be alright¨. Sometimes we face such situations, to face what was underlying in our life for a very long time and in my case it might be my career while relationship karma stopped affecting me, my career took over as playground for sixth devil king.
Now, question is what will happen, will i cross over, will i grow out of it, will i be able to accept what is about to come.... now it is just a matter of some hours either today or monday i might just cross over like i might not even imagine but what if i don´t, what will happen to me, my faith and my spirit... to be continued...
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