Why you need to stop saying ¨Chant more¨? Learning compassion from clinical Depression

2 months now, people have said nothing but ¨Don´t worry. probably this is not for you¨,¨¨Don´t worry, it will be okay¨, ¨Oh you must chant more strongly ¨, ¨I don´t think you are practicing¨ and blah blah blah

Telling me or anyone to chant more is not the solution to anything or it is definitely nothing close to being compassionate. We need to take a hard look at the person in front of us and think harder how to be compassionate with fellow members. What i am learning from clinical depression and what i have learnt till now is very profound.

Last 30 days:

4 years challenges went on and on while a rough childhood and teenage yet here i am proud of every bit of me from physical or career. I am made of all i have seen in my life from worse to worst and i wouldn´t change a bit of it. I am glad of where i am and where i have reached and more glad that i am still a warm person and will keep extending my arm till i can to be there for others. Roughly 30 days now, i have been growing through clinical depression with anxiety attacks to sleeping for days play eating just greasy food. Wake up like no control over my own life, start crying and not stopping, sick with severe cough, tonsillitis and on and off with fever for now one month. I am irritated by everything people around me do from walking fast to fake smiles. Everyone diplomatic or full of falseness are the one´s bugging me that even thought of it makes my blood boil. 

People´s reaction for 30 days:

• I think you chant less. (-- yeah sure why not)
• Are you even practicing? (--damn right i am just a shallow practitioner)
• Chant more (--yeah i did 10 hours yesterday, should i do more?)
• Come on lets go party (--Girl got work to do)
• I think you are doing it all wrong. (--exactly i am all wrong)
• You need to smile and be happy (damn you, who doesn´t want to be happy)

Practice in last 30 days:

• Byakuren regular
• Daimoku regular, free days reaching 4-10hours
• Study - 3-5 goshos daily, books by sensei
• Faith - well i bought my ticket and another for someone special without any news of my travel, luggage almost ready, definitely did it because i believed my practice

Take home message:

• When someone talks about their determinations, goals or desires kindly and sincerely learn to listen, respect because just because your dream is happy marriage doesn´t mean all the others want same. People are out there fighting for their dreams not because they are fancy or luxurious rather they know what they want and what is important to them. 
• As badly as you want your love of life, someone out their wants their dream job and someone wants only to live through the cancer. 
• Low life or someone not practicing is not a reason for you to lecture them. If someone comes to us and they put their trust is in, we need to learn to respect them and see what is the best we can do. Just telling to chant more is no solution, yes they might have to chant more but they might need that one person who believes in them, believes in their dream
• I have supported my friends in chanting for them, with them but i don´t believe in chanting more is any good answer. 

¨We need to be like winter with ourselves in practice and life that is strict and rigid but when it comes to other we need to be warm and compassionate like the warmth of sun¨  (Can´t recall the source, but this guidance if from sensei which was told to me in a stuyd in SGI Australia, never left my heart)

Look again, ask again and learn to listen more than giving free guidance to anyone

An open letter to anyone who needs to be listened, i am opening my doors to you, ping me if you need one person to trust you, to just listen to you or someone to just walk with you till you reach where you wish to reach. With love, Priya