How to embrace Gakkai, leaders, fellow members and its rules without any grudges?

Have you ever hit that stage where you don´t connect with members anymore or you feel lack of trust or understanding with them. There is that time, where suddenly all the leaders seem wrong and we feel a surge of anger with their attitude of dealing with members. Somewhere, our brain is running with thoughts and so many mind strategies like how Gakkai could be improved and how this and that is so wrong. And there I was standing once again on this edge of fixing everything and how I was not able to trust my Gakkai family at my land of mission, Spain. Interestingly, I was still reaching out to Gakkai family of my previous land of mission from Germany. Truth is it wasn´t just Gakkai rather I was angry with my kosen rufu relationship, my kosen rufu home and suddenly my work place which was my hell seemed to be my only place to hide, hiding in my work and deadlines.

I wonder how many of you will hate me for saying this truth out loud or how many of you will really relate to it. But here is my journey and understanding; like every organization it has got its own rules and these rules or way or people working varies based on two major factors such as culture and background of Gakkai in respective country.

October 9: There may be times, certainly, when being a member of an organization seems bothersome and we just want to be alone. But how sad it is if we are left alone without any support and then lose our faith. True growth comes from striving together with our fellow members in the living realm of human beings, experiencing the rich gamut of human emotions.

Daisaku Ikeda, SGI President

It was yesterday´s daily guidance just in time as I am finding my balance of Gakkai and relationship with members while I am on a verge of huge human revolution, ¨Darkest before the dawn¨. I already went to two leaders in a week and I opened my heart to them. I told them how I believe in this practice and Gakkai but for now I am not able to trust anyone. I can´t even sit in monthly zadankai but still I pushed by taking multiple byakuren activities, attending meetings and reading multiple goshos every day. Surprisingly, my seniors knew what I was talking about and that moment I knew how normal it is to encounter such situations. And my YWD leader told me one thing, ¨Priya, stop demanding too much from yourself, I know you feel like you are not making any difference but in coming years you will see how much difference you made¨.

Self-reflection in today´s date:

• ·  All members are going through their own human revolution and yes it is normal to not like everyone
• · If we don’t like someone, time to remember that our environment is reflecting the conflicts and insecurities and fear we hold deep inside
• · Chant a lot for people´s happiness and to take full responsibility of their human revolution in my own hands and my daimoku has actually shown some real benefits
• ·  If I feel that my district lack some motivation or inspiration then I take more duties as emcee or in concept to share sensei´s guidance and gosho to impart the same emotion of sensei which is lacking.

Personal Victory: While I was short of words, I found a way of showing my love and concern through my actions at my kosen rufu home alongside I had an open heart to heart dialogue for my kosen rufu relationship and above all my action to meet leaders was appreciated as they thanked me for putting that trust and effort out there while I couldn´t trust anyone.

Take home message: I encourage myself and each one of us to have independent faith but always make sure to practice with others. Don´t waste energy on changing the outside or people, as change begin from within. This structure of Gakkai is made for a certain reason and we need to remember that like work and relationships, Gakkai is also a ground for our training playing an important role in our mission to turn poison into medicine.