If you are
thinking like the following then it is for you: So, i did everything for
him/her and we used to be close and i trusted and i put my best effort like
always gave too much in fact i always did more for him/er than me then why did
s/he did this to me. Why i was betrayed by the only person i believed in?
Don't they feel bad or even realise? I wasn't even wrong, i did everything
right ... blah blah blah. You are hurt, heart broken and with no trust in
friendship or love or humanity in general.
I was there
and i see many of you there. So, what did i do and i still do to keep myself
and my life balanced despite the "BETRAYAL".
A year and
half ago: I was left once again desolated with no answers, no words
and a disappearance as if the person never existed. I felt everything negative
from betrayal to shock and lots of questions like why me, why again and why why
why. Till i saw myself talking through everything that has happened and till i
was there with my big question of, how come i still haven't transformed this
karms in all these years despite of my practice.
Result: I digged into
my practice as i was lucky it happened during easter break, more lucky as my
flatmate went for holidays and i had my home all by myself. I was in shock of
not changing my karma in 4 years more than the pain i was left with. I started
doing 3 things, running, running on daimoku and running on one gosho
"Eight winds". It went on for 7 days precise, till on the 7th day i
was hit by a supreme realisation of gratitude. I was spurred with gratitude for
not just what has happened but everything that has happened throughout my life.
With so much appreciation and gratitude from a hard childhood to rough teenage
continued in a huge challenges of life, i faced all on my own. I was jumping
with the joy that it was all perfect every pain, every tear i shed has actually
led me to where i am today.
Victory: I was at my best, with so much to thanks for even the person who left with nothing said. Thanks to him i chanted like that, thanks to him i stumbled on that gosho and thanks to him i came on terms with everything from my past, everything little thing. I take full pride in living that life despite the negativity it has, despite the fact that i never got to live a life of a girl and so much more.
Present: You know, i know the pain you are going through and trust me when people share such happenings of their life with me, i have tears in my eyes as i hold empathy for you. I can it myself and i feel so bad that you have to go through this. But trust me it is part of our human revolution, it is not the time to close our hearts but keep them open as someone out there is in need of a honest shoulder to cry upon, an honest concern and an honest person to trust. I went through major losses this year as well, someone i still love and care about and someone who still makes my eyes wet. But truth is i cherished what i had but i learnt through buddhism that it's okay to part ways. We all are on our own journey, we might be in same place at one moment but with our own individual growth, we might grow apart and different places in different moment.
**I cherish what i had, and buddhism taught me one thing about unbending before the eight winds.
** Eight winds=> Attachment to prosperity, honor, praise or pleasure (the four favorable winds). Aversion to decline, disgrace, censure or suffering (the four adverse winds) [Ref; Gosho: The Eight Winds, vol 1, page 794)
**If you are unable to let go of what has happened, chant on it like making this poison into medicine. Chant to use this opportunity to do your human revolution. Chant to open your heart to love.
** Right now, it might seem impossible, but just stay positive in front of the gohonzon even though you feel nothing but rage at present and let time unfold it to you.
** My principle from daimoku: Acceptance, grieving of loss, and finally appreciating happy memories and finally smiling from heart that at least it happened.
P.S: It is hard and i know as i have myself taken years or months or weeks to grieve and then come to terms with everything yet when i came, it was a beautiful story with happy moment with a glitter of sadness of missing someone, with a little twinkle of both of us being happy in our own places.
No comments:
Post a Comment