How to embrace Gakkai, leaders, fellow members and its rules without any grudges?

Have you ever hit that stage where you don´t connect with members anymore or you feel lack of trust or understanding with them. There is that time, where suddenly all the leaders seem wrong and we feel a surge of anger with their attitude of dealing with members. Somewhere, our brain is running with thoughts and so many mind strategies like how Gakkai could be improved and how this and that is so wrong. And there I was standing once again on this edge of fixing everything and how I was not able to trust my Gakkai family at my land of mission, Spain. Interestingly, I was still reaching out to Gakkai family of my previous land of mission from Germany. Truth is it wasn´t just Gakkai rather I was angry with my kosen rufu relationship, my kosen rufu home and suddenly my work place which was my hell seemed to be my only place to hide, hiding in my work and deadlines.

I wonder how many of you will hate me for saying this truth out loud or how many of you will really relate to it. But here is my journey and understanding; like every organization it has got its own rules and these rules or way or people working varies based on two major factors such as culture and background of Gakkai in respective country.

October 9: There may be times, certainly, when being a member of an organization seems bothersome and we just want to be alone. But how sad it is if we are left alone without any support and then lose our faith. True growth comes from striving together with our fellow members in the living realm of human beings, experiencing the rich gamut of human emotions.

Daisaku Ikeda, SGI President

It was yesterday´s daily guidance just in time as I am finding my balance of Gakkai and relationship with members while I am on a verge of huge human revolution, ¨Darkest before the dawn¨. I already went to two leaders in a week and I opened my heart to them. I told them how I believe in this practice and Gakkai but for now I am not able to trust anyone. I can´t even sit in monthly zadankai but still I pushed by taking multiple byakuren activities, attending meetings and reading multiple goshos every day. Surprisingly, my seniors knew what I was talking about and that moment I knew how normal it is to encounter such situations. And my YWD leader told me one thing, ¨Priya, stop demanding too much from yourself, I know you feel like you are not making any difference but in coming years you will see how much difference you made¨.

Self-reflection in today´s date:

• ·  All members are going through their own human revolution and yes it is normal to not like everyone
• · If we don’t like someone, time to remember that our environment is reflecting the conflicts and insecurities and fear we hold deep inside
• · Chant a lot for people´s happiness and to take full responsibility of their human revolution in my own hands and my daimoku has actually shown some real benefits
• ·  If I feel that my district lack some motivation or inspiration then I take more duties as emcee or in concept to share sensei´s guidance and gosho to impart the same emotion of sensei which is lacking.

Personal Victory: While I was short of words, I found a way of showing my love and concern through my actions at my kosen rufu home alongside I had an open heart to heart dialogue for my kosen rufu relationship and above all my action to meet leaders was appreciated as they thanked me for putting that trust and effort out there while I couldn´t trust anyone.

Take home message: I encourage myself and each one of us to have independent faith but always make sure to practice with others. Don´t waste energy on changing the outside or people, as change begin from within. This structure of Gakkai is made for a certain reason and we need to remember that like work and relationships, Gakkai is also a ground for our training playing an important role in our mission to turn poison into medicine.

How does daimoku, activities and efforts are working for our victory towards November 18?

November 18 is not far away and we all have already started walking towards it with endless amount of daimoku, activities and endless efforts get our goals.

Like you all, i am working towards my biggest goal for November 18 with nothing in my sight but reporting my victories directly to sensei this time. So, yeah this time it is not just any goal this my ¨The Goal¨, ¨The real proof¨ or say this is it for me to advance in my faith. Exact 1 month ago, i was stuck like there was no turn around, i lost calm and i went into low life though it was for merely 2 days before i got up again and recharged my batteries with fresh determination. After 25 days, here i am still charging towards my goals though a lot has been going around. 

I am realizing this is the first stage in this journey of victory as i can see a clear change in my environment from work to home and my personal life with all the people in my environment. Now probably you are wondering, this is all positive change well here is the surprise. 

In last 25 days, i started reading Gosho more than usual like 3-10 goshos every day with daimoku and continuous participation of byakuren. I encountered over a quote of sensei ¨Complain erases the good fortune¨. Along with, an experience where a ywd started chanting on ¨transform resentment into compassion¨ as no matter how hard work she did and good causes she put but she was not able to have a breakthrough. Even though i never felt any resentment other than for my life at times, i thought to give it a try.  Two weeks of chanting on ¨transform resentment to compassion¨, i have turned into a walking fury. Every minute, i can feel how i am on a edge, i need to control my anger with a control over my sarcasm. I have to apologize multiple times to my boyfriend for being so sarcastic. Man, who said daimoku doesnt´t work :P My one prayer is challenging me by putting all sections of my life on forefront with nothing but so much anger and resentment. Interestingly, suddenly even the invisible resentment has come out. All of a sudden, i am irritated by everything people do, i don´t trust anyone not a single person. Additionally, all fellow member are also in similar boat saying hell is broken lose and questioning me that what happened to all their hard work. Well here is what i am telling myself each day.

Pointers:

• Remember, it is always darkest before the dawn. This situation of hell broke lose is like blessing in the disguise, answer of our prayers. This is the wake up call and the dirt sitting under that carpet is finally out.
• Answered prayers can bring out what might have become invisible to us, but need to be taken care of to bring that change (human revolution)
• Not a single effort goes to waste, just keep pushing forward soon this dust will settle down after practice is like ¨Dragon Gate¨ Dragons have the job of making the rain fall—this same work can be regarded as a burden or as a mission, depending on how one looks at it. This difference in outlook or attitude is also what determines whether we will be defeated by negative influences, or evil friends, or successfully attain Buddhahood. Truly, as Nichiren says, “It is the heart that is important” (“The Strategy of the Lotus Sutra,” WND-1, 1000). And this difference in heart or spirit comes down to whether or not we embrace the great vow that is mentioned in this letter.

If you are in same boat and experiencing the earthquake in your own little word then keep up as soon we will enter to stage 2 and i will be back with stage 2 of this journey to November 18 victory.

The Real Aspect of the Gohonzon – “A woman who makes offerings to such a Gohonzon invites happiness in this life; and in the next, The Gohonzon will be with her and protect her always. Like a lantern in the dark, like a strong guide and porter on a treacherous mountain path, the Gohonzon will guard and protect you, Nichinyo where you go. Never seek this Gohonzon outside yourself. The Gohonzon exists only within the mortal flesh of us ordinary people who embrace the Lotus Sutra and chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.”

Life of an overthinker

She wasn´t introvert but then she wasn´t even extrovert. I wondered who was she, i saw her chirping like a bird in the crowd and then another time she was in silence by her window with no eye to find anyone. 

Her loneliness was her home, her mind was her demon. She will think and think and think till it is nothing but an overthinking of life. She is her best critic and she is the best judge to save herself on her own mercy. The life was same for all they say, she said life is not really same but yeah for weak the simple too gets difficult while her difficult was no challenge for the people living on bed of roses. She knew there were those who made her feel blessed but then she was all out there to serve those till they made her gone and left. 

She went in her own world every now and then and it was impossible to figure out who will even understand. She will meet then once in a while till soon in matter of days they will be nothing but a shallow appearance of depth. It was getting harder day by day to find anyone worth knowing the soul, it was merely the act of love that made her touch them once in a while. But it was just an act and her play was all set with nothing to wonder yet she wondered till her wondering was wondering that where she has gone and where she has left. She had no sense and no memory of taking off and knowing who left and whom she left let alone it was nothing that was left. She is okay where she is and she is okay not knowing that she is okay or not okay. She think and over think but let alone she is the think of the thinking that goes in her own thinking. She is engulfed in her thoughts, like a soul in a drought. 

She was entangled and suffocated in her thinking of thinking but there is no way to get. And only a thinker would know what is talking about. She want through the day and it feel like a thousand lives in a single life. She is tired at this young age as she has live over and over again in her thinking from being a child to an old lady on death bed and yet she do it again every day.

May her mind rest in peace, may her soul live in peace.

Why I don´t ask anyone to chant for me?

Ahh don´t worry, i am sure many of you won´t even read it thanks to the Blunt title ;)

Well truth is bitter and at least i can say it for myself without telling you to do what you should or shouldn´t.

Soon going to hit 6 years to my journey of practicing this Buddhist philosophy. Some days i am rocking and other days i can barely crawl. Most of my these 6 years, my fight has gone only tougher and so i got only stronger. I have come a long way from sensitive and emotionally vulnerable girl to groomed, strong and independent lady. I found self love including love for my flaws from looks, body or my career perspective with some grown up vision and love for my single life and beauty of dressing up for myself and so on. 

Major karma i face includes relationships from family, friends and work with spice of financial, career and home and so on. Anything left no :P Any regrets, NO :) Any doubts for practice, NO :)

Why i chose not to ask anyone to do Daimoku for me?

• I am a Buddha, I am my Gohonzon and believing in law means believing that i am a buddha.

• I took buddhist practice because it gives me power to be my own creator. It means i have power to change my life for good with my faith in daimoku. 

• I look inside me and bring my power out to face my challenges rather than looking out like a beggar and asking others to help.

• If someone themselves support me by their daimoku then i am grateful and i do appreciation daimoku. 

Reason: I never encountered any leader or sensei asking anyone to chant for them in fact only guidance or words I ever got is, ¨please chant for yourself, your buddhahood and so on¨ because it is always my Daimoku for my life. If I don´t have faith in my Daimoku and my buddhahood and me being a Bodhisattva then surely no one can save me. My strong ichinen may protect my family but it is my own action and my own Daimoku that permeates to the life of the people around me likely said, ¨One who prays will see receive benefits and protection for the seven generation of his family¨. Even the thought of asking someone to chant for me makes me cringe out of fear that my faith is not enough or i am once again looking out for a god to save me. 

Every obstacle made me go back to basics, strengthen my three pillars of faith, practice and study and there has been no looking back rather i chant for others but majorly for them to realize their limitless potential on base of faith and understand the limitless power of their own Gohonzon. To conclude, let´s not forget NIchiren Daishonin Buddhism was started with the main principle of not dependent on any priest to chant for us rather to be able to lead our own lives.

Crux: If you can´t eat food or take shower or pay my rent or workout on my behalf or i can´t ask you to do gongyo for me right? Then why would you chant and grow spiritually or my behalf because it won´t work like when i eat and do things for myself. Similarly our practice is no different.

Happy Chanting

What should i do? How should i pray? How can i do more activities?

These question are very common after all we are so busy these days with family, work and then house work and additional health care and so on. Obviously, where do we have time to chant or home visit or go to meetings when we can barely finish with our daily activities. After all, we are so sleepy that 6 hour sleep is never enough or talking with friends or sitting with family or going for movies on Sunday is more tempting than going to a meeting. 

So, how do we or when should we work on our three pillars of practice?

Self talk: I sat down and thought about my whole day schedule and realized that the reason i am asking these questions is that i know i am not giving my best. I know i can do my best but it will need me to work harder and organise better. So, what did i decide?

I personally stay 12-15 hours outside my house including work and gym. Then how and why should i practice? 

Firstly, it was important for me to understand the reason why i practice just for benefits or to really change my negative karma into positive? Well for me, my Buddhism practice is like center of my life, if i don´t make by daimoku as base of everything then i lack wisdom to organize better or do my best. Eventually, i take small happenings of day including remarks of people like from my boss, colleagues or friends too personally. It lowers my life state, mood and eventually i end up losing my focus and i mess up everything. Without a high life state, i end up falling in face of challenges and feel hopeless. I don´t even feel the fire to continue with life or grow further in my life. 

Conclusion: Buddhism practice is food for my soul and it is my only way to stay strong spiritually, it only help me walk courageously through my daily challenges but also gives me protection and opportunities to improve myself. Eventually, these good points are not only in my own life but they also permeates to the life of people around me including my family, friends and colleagues and so on. 

Ques: How do i do everything despite of mess of my own life?

Answer: Well, i have understood the importance of practice so there is no doubt i have to do it despite of my laziness or chilling out when i should chanting. You must have heard, ¨if  it is important enough then you will make time and do it.¨ So it goes for our practice, if you truly want to make Gohonzon as center of your life then you will make it one by first waking up and chanting and putting your best food forward for the day. If you have ichinen then you will, chant to be able work efficiently so that you can do a home visit in evening. If you have heart filled with Nichiren Daishonin spirit then you will make it to the meetings on weekends and if Sensei´s word touched you, then you will not give up in face of challenges. 

Take home message:

Don´t ask others but ask yourself, if you are not giving your best and not putting Gohonzon or this practice as center of your life then you know it deep down. If you want to see those changes that others report in their victories then you have to put action and chant to be able to over come your weakness and live life with that limitless potential through faith. 

If you are already doing enough with activities, daimoku or study then it will be reflected in your life state, and daily life that is free from doubts or questions. 

If you feel like you see no movement or feel like, you take one step ahead but find yourself 5 steps behind… oops, What to do?

You do daimoku, take new determination or challenge for going to the meeting and suddenly something happens and you are like ¨Dammit I take one step forward and Bammm, 5 steps back¨.

Incidence: Just 2 weeks ago, I was going for home visits and meetings despite of 30 or 70km distance but for some reason I knew that despite huge issues I already had, it was silence before the storm. As soon as I got back, I was set on fire with work deadlines and went to a conference with my boss and a fellow colleague where I had a good response to my work but this spirit was destroyed soon with constant negative remarks from my boss. As If didn’t have enough on my plate, someone pick pocketed my wallet in a new country with all my cash, cards, visa etc. Running back and forth to police, embassy and story goes on, I reached a point of being left with nothing but only faith. While i am aiming for my biggest goal of practice for coming November 18 which was put into action almost a year ago.

Result: I finally had time to cry for a change in last 3 months as I didn’t realise how so many things have happened one after another, from my dad´s health to my lost visa. At first, I felt exhausted and hopeless but after 2 days with lots of daimoku I got up again. I reached out to two people who are my friends and mother´s in faith and my only question to them was, tell me which gosho I need to read? Meanwhile I already got myself in action.

Action: I sat for chanting for hours till I felt little better and then I remembered this mother of faith told me once, ¨Sit for daimoku and put your brain aside and chant to have a new mind filled with wisdom with each nam myoho renge kyo¨. I did it while I put my heart into Gohonzon as a centre of my life. I read gosho continuously till I encountered what I needed. ¨ The Lotus Sutra states that if there are men and women who have firm faith in this sutra the Buddha will support them on his shoulders and carry them on his back. ¨ (Gosho, vol 1: The Supremacy of law)

I did feel like the more I pour in Daimoku, more I was sliding back but that was my mind talking. I looked in my heart and reflected upon everything. Interestingly, it is second time in my whole life that my wallet was stolen. It was just in time as I was moving ahead for the finale of my biggest goal. Obviously, there is no coincidence it all happened as I have a bigger mission and more the darkness, brighter the moon will be. My victories will shine like that full moon on a dark night. I knew all I need now is faith, interestingly being a logical person I was chanting to have more faith in my Gohonzon. And so with Daimoku I knew this is my opportunity to strengthen my faith rather than begrudging about what has happened or feeling like ¨Poor me¨. Every happening is a clear answer to our prayer like a blessing in disguise. Daishonin says,

¨Strengthen your resolve more than ever. Ice is made of water, but it is colder than water. Blue dye comes from indigo, but when something is repeatedly dyed in it, the color is better than that of the indigo plant. The Lotus Sutra remains the same, but if you repeatedly strengthen your resolve, your color will be better than that of others, and you will receive more blessings than they do.¨ (Gosho, vol 1: The Supremacy of law)

Personal learning:

·         This is the time to keep faith and only move forward without any doubt

·         I am trying to re-polish my gongyo while improving quality of Daimoku

·         Started byakuren once again with new attitude, I went yesterday not to have time to chant for me but I went there to be at service for other members. Also chanted in morning not for me but for members to achieve their limitless potential and joy as they come to kaikan.

·         I have left my problems on side without thinking too much as I focus on my determination to send my victory report to sensei for coming November 18.

Take home message:

If you ask me next time, what I should do now, my life is hopeless. And I will answer consistent practice, polish your 3 pillars of practice above all chant for others and take gakkai duties not for selfish purpose of victory but to really be there as a bodhisattva when you can´t even stand for yourself.