If you feel like you see no movement or feel like, you take one step ahead but find yourself 5 steps behind… oops, What to do?

You do daimoku, take new determination or challenge for going to the meeting and suddenly something happens and you are like ¨Dammit I take one step forward and Bammm, 5 steps back¨.

Incidence: Just 2 weeks ago, I was going for home visits and meetings despite of 30 or 70km distance but for some reason I knew that despite huge issues I already had, it was silence before the storm. As soon as I got back, I was set on fire with work deadlines and went to a conference with my boss and a fellow colleague where I had a good response to my work but this spirit was destroyed soon with constant negative remarks from my boss. As If didn’t have enough on my plate, someone pick pocketed my wallet in a new country with all my cash, cards, visa etc. Running back and forth to police, embassy and story goes on, I reached a point of being left with nothing but only faith. While i am aiming for my biggest goal of practice for coming November 18 which was put into action almost a year ago.

Result: I finally had time to cry for a change in last 3 months as I didn’t realise how so many things have happened one after another, from my dad´s health to my lost visa. At first, I felt exhausted and hopeless but after 2 days with lots of daimoku I got up again. I reached out to two people who are my friends and mother´s in faith and my only question to them was, tell me which gosho I need to read? Meanwhile I already got myself in action.

Action: I sat for chanting for hours till I felt little better and then I remembered this mother of faith told me once, ¨Sit for daimoku and put your brain aside and chant to have a new mind filled with wisdom with each nam myoho renge kyo¨. I did it while I put my heart into Gohonzon as a centre of my life. I read gosho continuously till I encountered what I needed. ¨ The Lotus Sutra states that if there are men and women who have firm faith in this sutra the Buddha will support them on his shoulders and carry them on his back. ¨ (Gosho, vol 1: The Supremacy of law)

I did feel like the more I pour in Daimoku, more I was sliding back but that was my mind talking. I looked in my heart and reflected upon everything. Interestingly, it is second time in my whole life that my wallet was stolen. It was just in time as I was moving ahead for the finale of my biggest goal. Obviously, there is no coincidence it all happened as I have a bigger mission and more the darkness, brighter the moon will be. My victories will shine like that full moon on a dark night. I knew all I need now is faith, interestingly being a logical person I was chanting to have more faith in my Gohonzon. And so with Daimoku I knew this is my opportunity to strengthen my faith rather than begrudging about what has happened or feeling like ¨Poor me¨. Every happening is a clear answer to our prayer like a blessing in disguise. Daishonin says,

¨Strengthen your resolve more than ever. Ice is made of water, but it is colder than water. Blue dye comes from indigo, but when something is repeatedly dyed in it, the color is better than that of the indigo plant. The Lotus Sutra remains the same, but if you repeatedly strengthen your resolve, your color will be better than that of others, and you will receive more blessings than they do.¨ (Gosho, vol 1: The Supremacy of law)

Personal learning:

·         This is the time to keep faith and only move forward without any doubt

·         I am trying to re-polish my gongyo while improving quality of Daimoku

·         Started byakuren once again with new attitude, I went yesterday not to have time to chant for me but I went there to be at service for other members. Also chanted in morning not for me but for members to achieve their limitless potential and joy as they come to kaikan.

·         I have left my problems on side without thinking too much as I focus on my determination to send my victory report to sensei for coming November 18.

Take home message:

If you ask me next time, what I should do now, my life is hopeless. And I will answer consistent practice, polish your 3 pillars of practice above all chant for others and take gakkai duties not for selfish purpose of victory but to really be there as a bodhisattva when you can´t even stand for yourself.