Question: I am feeling low, I chant but i still can´t break this chain. You know i feel blocked, i need at least one sign of hope or one positive result to keep me going. Plus, i think my situation is so tough in terms of relationship, career, finance and then my health makes it worse. I am doing everything you know and trust me i couldn´t go to meeting due this work or family or ... But i chant everyday and i am doing my best so why do i still feel low?
Answer: Buddhism is nothing but TRUTH and LOGIC.
The only reason why we feel low is, ¨We are not doing what we must do¨. Result, we start sulking and then there are two type of people
1. Complaining and putting all the blame on environment including family issues, work deadlines, financial limit and so on.
2. Judging oneself harshly like i am not worth it, i will never get over this and i am such a looser and so on.
I personally fall into second category, my own critic and i went into that spiral for past months and there was no way out. I had a huge phase of mind blockage, i lacked the brains to be able to write at my work with all the research papers and deadlines kept passing but i couldn´t submit anything as i got blocked. I would stay at work for longer but nothing to write and so i missed my gym and so went home drained and then lacked in my Daimoku or sometimes i couldn´t even do daimoku.
Truth is, deep inside we all know that we lack in our efforts and we are not putting our best. No matter how many excuses we give but the truth won´t change. We know we didn´t do our Daimoku with full determination or lacked the conviction. We know we didn´t apply for jobs like crazy in time of hunting job, we know we didn´t organize or balanced our expenditures wisely during time of free flowing money or now when we are going through crisis. We know we are too emotionally dependent or controlling in our relationships. We know we never took care of what we ate or being physically active. ¨We don´t take full responsibility of our life, which is must in Buddhism practice¨.
I know right now while reading all this, you are like, Priya what do you even know about my life, my problems and so on. I know you just mumbled, that you have applied for 300 jobs or so. Let me share with you i sent 600 applications to get one offer, i was last one in my whole batch for getting it. But thanks to the beauty of practice i did my human revolution till i got the offer made every poison into medicine. In fact i got 2 offers eventually and i went for both one after another with a special extension to the second offer. You can blame me for being honest like hot iron or spitting venom. But you can´t deny the fact that we are the one´s putting causes in our own life.
Ikeda sensei says,
If you want to understand the causes made in the past, look at the results as they are manifest in the present. And if you want to know what results will be manifest in the future, look at the causes that exist in the present. The reality of your future self is forged by current action, in your behavior now.
I won´t shy away to tell you that last 10 days i have done tremendous work, i submitted 2 full drafts which i couldn´t do over last 2 years and now that work in hours or days.
Want to know how? I was in low life and thinking i was doing my best but no somehow i regular in everything but not disciplined. So for a change instead of saying i am blocked and blocked i went to daimoku with 3 prayers: Enjoy daimoku, Protection and DO MY BEST WHERE I AM, RIGHT NOW. Eventually, only my action of waking up and doing daimoku at same time put my life in the rhythm of my prayers and my life is in sync with Eight Winds, Gosho. I am not sad as some days my work goes slow or it needs time and other days i am more productive. Point is forward movement, i put effort and so i am on path of regret free life just like sensei says.
Yes, i eventually gave my best and things turned. I based everything on daimoku and i gave all my worries to Gohonzon and all i did was chant and give my best. I wake up 5:30 to chant for an hour and leave house by 7 and then i come by 10:30 or so and again chant and sleep. I am doing it cutting back my sleep and doing things which i couldn´t do earlier. I put my weekends into activities as now i have no time during weekdays.
Low life = Excuses, blame and sitting back and hoping for a miracle
High life = Action in practice and Action in life
P.S if things are not happening chant for making this waiting time which is like a poison into medicine.
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