Why do we feel low? How to shift from low life to high life?

Question: I am feeling low, I chant but i still can´t break this chain. You know i feel blocked, i need at least one sign of hope or one positive result to keep me going. Plus, i think my situation is so tough in terms of relationship, career, finance and then my health makes it worse. I am doing everything you know and trust me i couldn´t go to meeting due this work or family or ...  But i chant everyday and i am doing my best so why do i still feel low?

Answer: Buddhism is nothing but TRUTH and LOGIC. 

The only reason why we feel low is, ¨We are not doing what we must do¨. Result, we start sulking and then there are two type of people

1. Complaining and putting all the blame on environment including family issues, work deadlines, financial limit and so on.

2. Judging oneself harshly like i am not worth it, i will never get over this and i am such a looser and so on.

I personally fall into second category, my own critic and i went into that spiral for past months and there was no way out. I had a huge phase of mind blockage, i lacked the brains to be able to write at my work with all the research papers and deadlines kept passing but i couldn´t submit anything as i got blocked. I would stay at work for longer but nothing to write and so i missed my gym and so went home drained and then lacked in my Daimoku or sometimes i couldn´t even do daimoku. 

Truth is, deep inside we all know that we lack in our efforts and we are not putting our best. No matter how many excuses we give but the truth won´t change. We know we didn´t do our Daimoku with full determination or lacked the conviction. We know we didn´t apply for jobs like crazy in time of hunting job, we know we didn´t organize or balanced our expenditures wisely during time of free flowing money or now when we are going through crisis. We know we are too emotionally dependent or controlling in our relationships. We know we never took care of what we ate or being physically active. ¨We don´t take full responsibility of our life, which is must in Buddhism practice¨.

I know right now while reading all this, you are like, Priya what do you even know about my life, my problems and so on. I know you just mumbled, that you have applied for 300 jobs or so. Let me share with you i sent 600 applications to get one offer, i was last one in my whole batch for getting it. But thanks to the beauty of practice i did my human revolution till i got the offer made every poison into medicine. In fact i got 2 offers eventually and i went for both one after another with a special extension to the second offer. You can blame me for being honest like hot iron or spitting venom. But you can´t deny the fact that we are the one´s putting causes in our own life. 

Ikeda sensei says, 

If you want to understand the causes made in the past, look at the results as they are manifest in the present. And if you want to know what results will be manifest in the future, look at the causes that exist in the present. The reality of your future self is forged by current action, in your behavior now.

I won´t shy away to tell you that last 10 days i have done tremendous work, i submitted 2 full drafts which i couldn´t do over last 2 years and now that work in hours or days. 

Want to know how? I was in low life and thinking i was doing my best but no somehow i regular in everything but not disciplined. So for a change instead of saying i am blocked and blocked i went to daimoku with 3 prayers: Enjoy daimoku, Protection and DO MY BEST WHERE I AM, RIGHT NOW. Eventually, only my action of waking up and doing daimoku at same time put my life in the rhythm of my prayers and my life is in sync with Eight Winds, Gosho. I am not sad as some days my work goes slow or it needs time and other days i am more productive. Point is forward movement, i put effort and so i am on path of regret free life just like sensei says.

Yes, i eventually gave my best and things turned. I based everything on daimoku and i gave all my worries to Gohonzon and all i did was chant and give my best. I wake up 5:30 to chant for an hour and leave house by 7 and then i come by 10:30 or so and again chant and sleep. I am doing it cutting back my sleep and doing things which i couldn´t do earlier. I put my weekends into activities as now i have no time during weekdays. 

Low life = Excuses, blame and sitting back and hoping for a miracle

High life = Action in practice and  Action in life

P.S if things are not happening chant for making this waiting time which is like a poison into medicine.   

3 step guide to break any deadlock, mind it ANY DEADLOCK!!!

Too many guidance and too much study material but in the end it is the one´s own experience that results into tried and tested solutions. You can say you have 100 problems and so you are in low life, but only deadlock we all have is low life condition once we turn this low life to high there are no more deadlocks.

I was sucked in all 4 sectors of karma from career, relationship, finance and health and when they all dawn together it is like there is no way of coming back up. 3 weeks ago, i lost big time but then i simplified my form of practice.

Here is how i changed my prayers:

1. Chant to cherish that i am chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
2. Chant to have protection in all sectors of life.
3. Chant to give  my best where i am.

Result:
1. High life state: Despite similar challenges and problems, my life state raised in 2 days
2. Discipline: Being disciplined and desire to practice came naturally
3. Protection: Immediately things that were not moving for a long time started falling in place
4. Victories: YES
5. No deadlocks
6. Karma: Fixed or unfixed both seem to be changing every day.

Personal view point:

This practice is not complicated its just that we want to sort out everything and we want to chant on 100 prayers. I did that for a long time but suddenly after my biggest loss of career in years something did hit me hard. I realized i don´t want to run after life or run after my prayers, if i am votary of lotus sutra then things will come my way on their own. Question was but how and where do i lack? With chanting and reading so much my brain got stuck on one basic principle, cherish this practice and that i have encountered this law and then seek for nothing but protection. When i seek for protection it will cover all my prayers from A to Z, my prayers are nothing but all about finding solutions to the existing problems. For example, seeking protection for family means protection in health, finance or relationships isn´t it, and seeking this protection for ourselves will also cover all the sectors of problem. It helps me from not getting exhausted over my prayers which eventually turn into an obsession. Clear prayers even help me in feeling light and feeling complete without chanting for too much yet secure that things will happen.

Only thing i would say apart from this is, keep daimoku and gongyo pronunciation crystal clear and be sincere with silent prayers, this is truly a secret to break through the wall of negative karma that you have been standing behind no matter for how long. Do it for yourself and be surprised :)

Happy chanting

My story, My journey, My experience filled with protection ... Beautiful ode to November 18

So what is victory? Usually, we label victory as something like the job, relationship, marriage or money targets we have been chanting for. But today i want to take you all on a journey which i had over past two and a half months so that you can decide for yourself about, what is victory?

It all started in first week of September, I was attending a conference in a different country. I was there with a poste though it turned out to be a good one, i talked to many people and professors. There were a lot of questions and i answered them well. It was that one evening where i was on cloud 9 after many years. Till, 3 days after someone pick pocketed my wallet having my spanish residency card (my visa), bank card and cash and so on. I spent evening in police station, next morning in embassy as i had to travel in afternoon to come back to spain. Embassy did some sketchy work of giving me a paper but honestly it was not at all valid enough to enter. I was lucky as my passport was still with me and i came back without any checking or any questions about my visa. I was put into some weird situation where i was belittled with the fact that i had no cash on me. I some how reached home and there i was shattered into pieces as no one ever got any opportunity in my whole life to belittle me for just a small amount of money. It was weekend and i had no cash with no access to bank to take out money. My weekend was spent in running from one police station to another as i needed to file a complaint to apply for duplicate visa. I was crushed, humiliated, embarrassed even though i did nothing wrong. I felt devastated as it was not the time for losing my visa. I was suppose to got o US embassy for getting my USA visa for the big conference, the only oral presentation i got in my 3 year PhD. But no, i was diverted with loss of my spanish visa and next 3 weeks in process of spanish visa. I finished my process but it meant another month wait to actually have the card in hand. Meanwhile, i got hurdles with USA visa from papers to payment and finally i got appointment, did my interview. All went fine. 

I continued chanting for hours, byakuren while gosho was part of my daily life. Time went on, days after days, week after week my anxiety rose and i so my depression and eventually i ended up in my doctor's room.  I didn't stop in efforts. So, my spanish visa was on hold even though it was ready i couldn't pick it up as my passport was in embassy of USA. I had no legal documentation on me. I lost my friends, my house was feeling like a jail and i took every escape i got. I went on a weekend get away which i spent doing running, walking and chanting. The final day came while i already put tremendous daimoku on weekdays and 10 hour daimoku on weekends yet my life state was frozen in lower state. All i faced was failure, i lost biggest opportunity i had because my visa was not sent in time. Not only that, in result my boss once again put me through remarks where i was made guilty for not going to the conference. I worked for an year to get it but i didn't. My november 18 goal was over for me and i cried for once and letting it all go. Now what, 14 days has passed, every single day my mind still process this presentation in my head. Last 2 weeks, my only vision of practice was chant for protection as i was still sitting with no legal document in my hand while my spanish visa expired on last monday and my work permit was kept on hold. I ran out of money due to all expenditure of visa and legal work. 

Financial, relationship, career and health karma name it and i have been bearing it day in and out. 

"Nichiro, because you have read the entirety of the Lotus Sutra with both the physical and spiritual aspects of your life, you will also be able to save your father and mother, your six kinds of relatives, and all living beings. Others read the Lotus Sutra with their mouths alone, in word alone, but they do not read it with their hearts." (Gosho 26, vol 1., Letter to Priest Nichiro in Prison) 

"If the Buddha's prediction is true, there must be a votary of the Lotus Sutra in the Later Day of the Law, and the great difficulties that he encounters will surpass those that occurred during the Buddha's lifetime. I, Nichiren have personally suffered all nine great ordeals." (Gosho 49, vol 1. The votary of the Lotus Sutra)

"Lotus Sutra reads that it is "the most difficult to believe and the most difficult to understand." Many hear about and accept this sutra but when great obstacles arise, just as they were told would happen, few remember it and bear it firmly in mind. To accept is easy; to continue is difficult. But Buddhahood lies in continuing faith. Those to uphold this sutra should be prepared to meet difficulties. To "continue" means to cherish Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, the most important principle for all the Buddhas of the three existences." (Gosho 56, vol 1., The Difficulty of Sustaining Faith.)

After my biggest loss i just sat down chanting and letting it all go. Next morning i woke up again and did nothing but chant and then again in night. I went on doing this ever since each morning i wake up do my daimoku and each night i do it before i sleep. I have polished my Gongyo all over again and still working on it. I did either home visit, or meeting or some byakuren duty almost every day. My only prayer has been that what has happened can't be changed and my heart feels the pain day in and out yet i am determined to be happy or at peace with no dependence on my environment. My prayer has been all about having my protection and getting my passport back safely and sorting out my spanish visa securely. One morning after my daimoku, i opened my mail and my work permit was sitting there. Later on, after 3 days i just came back home from a home visit and i got email that my passport has been returned and yesterday i held my passport in hand and even went on to sort out my spanish visa renewal without having any appointment in hand yet it did work out . Each day, all i do is wake up, chant, do things, and then chant and sleep. I made sure things can go wrong but i will first do things i am responsible for and then i can do all the grieving or crying in the night. 

My career victory hasn't happened but things happened which i couldn't even think of, i transformed my relationship with my mother and i told her for first time in my life, how heart broken i felt. The person who couldn't even support me during my depression in past, this time he gave me hope and tried his best to show me light when i was blinded in my darkness. Victory happens where we are not looking. My letter to sensei is already written with all honesty and pain i felt and it will be posted today itself. My determination to report sensei is going to be fulfilled whether i have won or not but in name of my mission as a Bodhisattvas, i will keep winning.

My faith is stronger than ever, my spirit is in rhythm with gosho of Eight winds, neither let sadness  took me down nor happiness and legal work was done. I am glad persecutions are coming my way and my faith will keep going ahead like flowing water. 

P.S If you faced loss like me then believe me i know it is not okay and it will never be same. But, bodhisattva will keep marching ahead no matter what may come, we will keep cherishing our life with Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. In the end, hours won't make difference but a true heart of bodhisattvas will. Don't stop, never stop, never ever quit no matter how many falls you may face. I am with you. 

Happy chanting

Piece of my heart for all of you fighting hard out there

Yes, i am calling you, you the one out there fighting for long enough to get that job, get that one chance to prove your worth, capability, get yourself a bit of love, get yourself that food on table, trying to save yourself or your family, trying to fight against all the challenges. I know you have lost, i know you are in pain and i know it as i have been there, i am still there. I know how desperately you need to fight your relationship, career, health or financial karma. I might not be in your shoes but as a person who herself is going through each of the karma, i do feel you.

I am not here to tell you that it´s okay that you lost your chance or it´s okay even to go through any loss. I am not here to demean your wishes, dreams or anything. I know you deserved it, i know you have fought hard enough and i know it was your only hope in the darkest tunnel you have been. Once again you might feel like this is it, once again you might be in the darkest tunnel all over again and then you say it once again, i am done and i can´t do it anymore. But listen this is what sensei told us knowing we will be in such times and we need to remember all this:

• Reality is harsh. It can be cruel and ugly. Yet no matter how much we grieve over our environment and circumstances nothing will change. What is important is not to be defeated, to forge ahead bravely. If we do this, a path will open before us.

• There will be times in life when you cannot succeed. Or times when hardship seems about to crush you. Such times are inevitable, yet we should not allow our spirits to be broken by them.

• Anyone can hit a wall. The anguish felt then is proof of one’s desire to move forward. But all is for naught if you falter at that moment. Action—that is the key to breaking through an impasse.

• The times when we experience the most intense suffering, unbearable agony and seemingly insurmountable deadlock are actually brilliant opportunities for doing our human revolution.

• Nothing can match the strength of those whose lives have been shaped and forged through challenging and overcoming hardships. Such people fear nothing. The purpose of our Buddhist practice is to develop such strength and fortitude. To cultivate such an invincible core is in itself a victory.

• An ascending life, in which we keep striving to grow and improve—this is what is meant by human revolution. Human revolution doesn’t mean becoming something special or different from who we are; it simply means striving to improve, no matter what challenges we face.

• No matter how hopeless or bleak things appear, the moment always comes when suddenly our spirit revives, and hope is reborn. That is why we must never give up.

-Ref. Words of wisdom, by Daisaku Ikeda

Are your efforts in practice going in waste?

Answer is NO.

So someone asked me other day, "Priya, do you think our lives will ever change? May be all our efforts have gone in waste. Priya, why do you still practice when your prayers weren't answered? Priya, what should i do? How should I even continue in this dark tunnel?" (In short she said, "what the fuck and why the hell are you doing it?"😜)

Response: Benefits, Blessings, Protection, Answers and victories, they all come disguised. We don't even realize when they come and when they lead to new paths. (so, what we need is faith sometimes it will be easier with visible results other times it will be working with our fundamental darkness and other times it is already there but just a bit longer to manifest)

We as ordinary human beings are blinded by our own illusions which our mind has for example my victory will happen when i will get a job, i will find love or i will have financial security and so on. This practice has something beyond all that. Yes, we will get benefits but the problem is we as ordinary beings are always looking for shortcuts. It's like i am chanting but it didn't happen but you said all my prayers will be answered. Excuse me, my mother gave me everything i needed but she didn't accept my demands of junk food or chocolates everyday. Practice is exactly like that, gohonzon and buddhas of ten directions are like our mother not only protecting from bad but also pushing us in our own ways and limits to do our required human revolution. If we got everything we chant for, then we will keep stalling in our comfort zone thinking "oh yeah i just need to chat and i will have it". When sensei says "Gakkai activities are shortcut to happiness", why you still didn't take this line seriously. Dear, 4 activities does not guarantee life time happiness, each meeting we attend is like a cause which generates happiness immediately like the joy you feel after that meeting. 

Buddhism goes 24x7 without saying, life is about personal growth and this practice not only talks but demands us to act accordingly. We are lazy people, after all we enjoy being one and trust me in my case i started eating healthy just because i am lazy, it is easier to mix salad then cooking. But in other areas of my life laziness comes with its own consequences of stagnant life, un met deadlines and then stupid accusation from bosses. 

If we want to have victories, then we have to give our all out, 100%, why? 

1. Well, buddhism is about taking responsibility of our actions as the first thing. If we actually took this responsibility then why the hell are we blaming the practice or law when things don't go as planned. Which means my first human revolution comes into picture when things don't go as planned and instead of blaming, i must take full responsibility of what has happened. If i didn't blame practice that means i won't be ordinary being because first thing as an ordinary being i do is blame or complain. But once i break this chain, i have already won by taking a big step towards breaking my negative karmic chain.

2. Did i say, things didn't go as planned? Oopsie, aren't we forgetting about the "Strategy of the lotus sutra". We set goals and then we need to chant with the conviction that how or when or where but i will reach my goal and for that i seek wisdom, compassion and courage.  (In my share, i suffered the loss as i had too many plans and all those plans went into dust, i got dissected inch by inch by the truth of lotus sutra strategy testing me if i will still stay strong in faith.)

To conclude, 

"The body is endowed with the four sense organs, and the mind is generally related to all four. Hence the mind induces the rise or fall with respect to the body" (This where we can see why mastering one's mind is so important, this where we can see once again how mastering one's mind we can make hell into heaven); "The ten directions are the "environment," and living beings are "life". To illustrate, environment is like the shadow, and life, the body. Without body, no shadow can exist, and without life, no environment. In the same way, life is shaped by its environment. " (All my heart sees and feels is, our environment is only shaping our life similar to our challenges and that muddy water is making us grow like a beautiful lotus flower); "Lotus sutra conquers the fundamental darkness [from which all earthly desires originate]" (This practice is not about forgetting our desires or wishes rather this practice helps us win over them sometimes in form of real proof other times we just have to get the real human revolution done to reach there to get it) (Gosho 79, vol 1: On Omens)

Being VICTORIOUS without any victory of November 18th

So, who won my Faith or Fear ... continued

Sadly this is my stage 3 or so, where i was meant to share my real proof of achieving the only goal that made me feel alive in last 3 years but my FEAR won.

Peoples said many things but truth is, I have suffered to the extremes that it took its toll on my health for last 90 days. I felt burdened under the weight of my dreams and pressure to do more as a Bodhisattva and keep fighting like nothing has happened. And the final day came, i lost big time and the right time and the biggest opportunity of my this 4 years career came and went. Today, i am free of everything, free of dreams, goals, the fight to do more and more. I felt free of the people as they showed their true colors by neither understanding nor respecting my goals. 

Beauty in midst of struggle: I continued chanting each day for 4 hours and while my biggest fear was do i still have faith in my daimoku for myself like i have for others. I felt saddest the second day of my loss when a fellow ywd got in touch with me and she needed my words to give her hope. I told her everything she should do but at the same i felt like a hypocrite telling her to do everything which i personally did but i still didn't reach my goal. I told her how i wanted to be there but my life state wasn't matching my words but she was nice enough to still take my words positively and appreciate my existence in that moment. 

So now what, November 18 goal is over, practice still going on but where do i stand and what should I do now was my question?

Present: I started chanting to be able to make even this time count, and my pain to become a river of new journey in faith. I have been in some or other activity on daily basis from the day of my loss and i already have my next few days soaked in byakuren, meetings and home visits. My practice has got so consistent that the moment i wake up the only thing i hunt for is daimoku. 

Nichiren daishonin says: "To grieve is only natural. Even sages are sometimes sad." (Gosho 52., vol 1: Hell is the Land of Tranquil Light) In same gosho he says, "If one can uphold this (sutra), one will be upholding the Buddha's Body." It was the line where i knew that i must confront my loss or gain in same way, as upholding the Buddha's body is definitely not going to be a smooth journey rather it demands a constant forward motion in all areas of life without doubting the law or doubting the buddha's protection. One has to understand with such a big mission like ours as bodhisattvas of earth our biggest protection is invisible in simple acts of having food, shelter or basic necessities to go on. 

Take home message: 

**To my fellow comrades and friends in faith if you feel you victory is not in sight then all i have to say is, VICTORY can be either seen in real proof like me getting that opportunity or you getting that job, or better job or financial growth and so on or Victory can be seen in people's true love and understanding in such hard times, it can be personal approach to problems. For me, my victory in all this time is my family and especially the bond i have found with my mother, For me, my victory is my relationship where i found a whole new meaning of love, understanding, respect and forgiveness. For me, my biggest victory is new foundation of practice and new hunt for a deeper faith. 

** "Neither the pure land nor hell exists outside yourself, both lie only within one's own heart. Awakened to this, one is called a Buddha; deluded about it, one is called an ordinary person. The lotus sutra reveals this truth, and one who embraces the lotus sutra will realize that hell is itself the Land of Tranquil Light." (Gosho 52., vol 1: Hell is the Land of Tranquil Light)

** To myself and others my last bit of share is Toda's sensei guidance, "Youth is the time to grow, it is our training ground and therefore, we might feel like we are hit hard by destiny, yet these hits are bricks to the foundation we are building for the future."

Feeling Betrayed, used, heart broken, victim: Buddhism at your rescue

If you are thinking like the following then it is for you: So, i did everything for him/her and we used to be close and i trusted and i put my best effort like always gave too much in fact i always did more for him/er than me then why did s/he did this to me. Why i was betrayed by the only person i believed in? Don't they feel bad or even realise? I wasn't even wrong, i did everything right ... blah blah blah. You are hurt, heart broken and with no trust in friendship or love or humanity in general.

I was there and i see many of you there. So, what did i do and i still do to keep myself and my life balanced despite the "BETRAYAL".

A year and half ago: I was left once again desolated with no answers, no words and a disappearance as if the person never existed. I felt everything negative from betrayal to shock and lots of questions like why me, why again and why why why. Till i saw myself talking through everything that has happened and till i was there with my big question of, how come i still haven't transformed this karms in all these years despite of my practice. 

Result: I digged into my practice as i was lucky it happened during easter break, more lucky as my flatmate went for holidays and i had my home all by myself. I was in shock of not changing my karma in 4 years more than the pain i was left with. I started doing 3 things, running, running on daimoku and running on one gosho "Eight winds". It went on for 7 days precise, till on the 7th day i was hit by a supreme realisation of gratitude. I was spurred with gratitude for not just what has happened but everything that has happened throughout my life. With so much appreciation and gratitude from a hard childhood to rough teenage continued in a huge challenges of life, i faced all on my own. I was jumping with the joy that it was all perfect every pain, every tear i shed has actually led me to where i am today. 

Victory: I was at my best, with so much to thanks for even the person who left with nothing said. Thanks to him i chanted like that, thanks to him i stumbled on that gosho and thanks to him i came on terms with everything from my past, everything little thing. I take full pride in living that life despite the negativity it has, despite the fact that i never got to live a life of a girl and  so much more. 

Present: You know, i know the pain you are going through and trust me when people share such happenings of their life with me, i have tears in my eyes as i hold empathy for you. I can it myself and i feel so bad that you have to go through this. But trust me it is part of our human revolution, it is not the time to close our hearts but keep them open as someone out there is in need of a honest shoulder to cry upon, an honest concern and an honest person to trust. I went through major losses this year as well, someone i still love and care about and someone who still makes my eyes wet. But truth is i cherished what i had but i learnt through buddhism that it's okay to part ways. We all are on our own journey, we might be in same place at one moment but with our own individual growth, we might grow apart and different places in different moment. 

**I cherish what i had, and buddhism taught me one thing about unbending before the eight winds.

** Eight winds=> Attachment to prosperity, honor, praise or pleasure (the four favorable winds). Aversion to decline, disgrace, censure or suffering (the four adverse winds) [Ref; Gosho: The Eight Winds, vol 1, page 794)

**If you are unable to let go of what has happened, chant on it like making this poison into medicine. Chant to use this opportunity to do your human revolution. Chant to open your heart to love. 

** Right now, it might seem impossible, but just stay positive in front of the gohonzon even though you feel nothing but rage at present and let time unfold it to you. 

** My principle from daimoku: Acceptance, grieving of loss, and finally appreciating happy memories and finally smiling from heart that at least it happened.

P.S: It is hard and i know as i have myself taken years or months or weeks to grieve and then come to terms with everything yet when i came, it was a beautiful story with happy moment with a glitter of sadness of missing someone, with a little twinkle of both of us being happy in our own places.