Buddhism is logic, buddhism is reason and
buddhism is me becoming my best by accepting where I am.
Last month, a
series of things happened while some incidents were like an eye opener of how
far I have come, some moved the earth under my feet and some reflected how I am
lacking the courage to act or I am trying to settle for less. I know I am not
home yet, this country, this city or this place is not my calling as I still
yearn for the smile and gratitude I witnessed in my past. Today, I sit here
thinking on that beautiful journey realizing how that memory is still alive and
how I am alive when I try to remember those days. Just 3 months in whole 28
years of life are nothing barely a drop in ocean, though for me they were only
days when I truly lived my life to my best. The ear to ear smile, shining eyes and
peace at heart despite working hard and fighting hard each day, now that is
happiness. So, finally my answer of the question, ¨What is happiness for me¨ is
clear. Now, my goal is clear and I know what I am heading for but what about where
I am or wherever we all are right now. Don´t you wish to be happy wherever you
are despite of knowing that it is not your dream house, job with a nice boss
which rarely happens or big fat check or that perfect life partner or how about
being single or separated.
None of us like to sit back and watch rest
of the world reach their career or personal goals while we are without a ray of
hope. So, here is what happened:
1. Over the period of almost 3 months, I have
been able to maintain a smooth relationship with my seniors at work especially
the person with whom I always ended up getting hurt. I can see my constant
battle of 3 years of bitter conversations or experiences while I kept challenging
to do my human revolution with nothing to expect in return and not having hard
feelings for her are finally showing its proof. At last it´s not all gold but I
can see a clear shift while I reach out for help to her and she understood me
and helped me for 2 hours continuously and recognized my hard work as well as
motivated me to continue doing this.
2. In
last posts, I mentioned how I lost two of my very close and important people in
2016 on a rough note. Interestingly, I never chanted on it except doing my human
revolution for accepting what happened without holding any grudges. In January,
both of these people came back to my life, while they wanted to discuss what
all went wrong but I was like wow, I don’t even remember all those details
rather I have nothing to say. I am just happy that we are back in touch and that’s
what matters. My negative tendency to hold on to pain was suddenly all gone, I held
on to happy memories I shared with them while rest all the bitterness was gone
like it was never there.
3. I have accomplished one goal after another
at work, I am working harder and I am reaching my targets by taking one step at
a time. Some days I fall behind but my energy is more focused on doing at least
one thing productive per day and it is amazingly helping me deal with severe
anxiety attacks or over thinking in negative cycles.
Likely said, it is my environment that is
a key to my human revolution, all wrong days were the reason I pushed harder,
the bitter experiences or people around me taught me where I need to change my
karma, how I need to deal better or do better. It is pain that teaches us
compassion. It is reality that teaches us difference between happiness and
sadness. Nothing else but it is faith that has given me power to take my life
and its own problems in my own hands and deal with them and overcome them. Without
putting daimoku and gongyo as first and last thing in my daily routine, I wouldn´t
have come this far. Without gosho, I wouldn’t have learnt how not to be swayed
my eight winds of life. Without activities like byakuren or meetings, I wouldn´t
have been grounded with victories in air.
In midst of challenges I overcame, I have
come to realize my kosen rufu house or relationship or job are still far away only
if I think kosen rufu is happiness or perfection. But kosen rufu for me is
growth and my present house, job and relationship all are mess and painful but
with each day I take one step ahead as my mission is right here and my joy
speaks on its own when I fight with chin up and report my human revolution to
fellow members. My happiness might seem far but each day I learn a bit more
about me and I do a bit more to do more and grow more. Polishing my mirror is
my mission, how about you?
A food for thought
KPK ©
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