Let me ask you one simple question, if you are
chanting for hours, or if you have read whole gosho 2 or 3 times or even more
then why are you in low life? Don’t take me wrong for asking this question, I am
just trying to make you ask yourself if you have invested in so many hours then
why do you still feel so low? You know I ask myself this question every time I
feel deadlocked or every time I am thinking on closing my Daimoku, if after closing
my Daimoku am I still in low life? For
example, a week ago when I had to be the Sun of my family, I was perfectly fine,
chanting and reading Gosho and laughing loud and making jokes with my family. In
fact, one time my father came out of his room just to sit with us as he heard
my loud laughter. Interestingly, thanks to
practice I am still really good at laughing and making jokes even in amidst of
tears or tough days. But then, the first
day I got back to my work life miles away from my family, I got anxious
thinking about them and how will I support them. Sooner, I took control of how I
felt but then yesterday again I had another day where I felt weak in my knees.
Question: So,
how do I take control of how I feel?
Answer: I listen to my own thoughts, like if they are getting more negative or if I
am feeling low that is a clear sign that my foundation of Buddhist practice is
getting weak. Sometimes, I am so soaked on thinking about a person either a
family member or a friend that I am going down and down in my life state. This is a clear sign that my happiness is dependent on other person and it is a call of urgency to put
my Gohonzon back in the center of my life. I take a good look at my pillars of faith, practice and study and then I work immediately to keep it
together and stronger.
I did same last evening when I felt deadlocked
and I determined to do a vigorous chanting for an hour, with each daimoku I determined to change my karma and raise my life condition believing that I am a Buddha. I read
some gosho lectures and at the end of Daimoku and study, I immediately felt a
surge of hope that I am going to overcome every single obstacle.
Crux: I don’t practice based on hours or millions
of daimoku, I personally suck at keeping count of that. But what I am improving at
is listening to my thoughts, words and observing my deeds. If I lack hope or i
feel deadlocked then I know either my attitude in daimoku, or my study or practicing with others has gone
weak. When despite the first two, I feel like something is not right, then I know I have
to reach out to my fellow members even if it is through electronic contact like
these days when I am living in a deserted area with no members around. Above all,
when Gohonzon is center of our life then everything will fall in place, as my
happiness and sadness all depends on Gohonzon and not a person or object.
Homework for all of us: Let’s analyze our
attitude and our daily actions, are we making excuses that we have no time to
chant or are we putting gohonzon as center of our life before facing any
struggle. Are we talking in a vicious circle of negative words like why me? Are we taking any actions like chanting and
working towards improving ourselves or just sitting around and thinking and
questioning practice?
Learn to listen to yourself and you will know
when and where you are lacking to reach your goals.
Happy Chanting
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