Ode to Beautiful sadness

I was sitting on the sofa reading the new novel i picked up from the bookshop around the corner with nice breeze coming in through window i left open. 

With a slight noise of someone opening the lock at main door, i knew my flatmate and a person who has listened to me every now and than is here. With a cheerful hello from my end was reciprocated by her in a heavy and dull voice. I have known her long enough to know that she is not okay and my heart skipped a beat as i knew what went wrong. 

As i looked into her red eyes which have cried for hours, her face all gloomy reflecting her world has crashed into bits and pieces. I know this time it was different from previous two, this was it was as if there was nothing left to be crushed, it was not the goals it was the hope she found after fighting for months, it was the heart which is crushed again and again as it is only way she is still leading and holding her precious life.

I sat with her, listened her crying for the third time in the same context and blabbering her pain with a blanket of tears rolling down. This time even my eyes got wet, knowing how much in pain she is, knowing it like her own pain she faces day after day. I let her talk at her own desired pace with long pauses and words spaced with wisdom and hurt in the same sentence. The fight of her own was visible in her words, she knew she has to fight again but then she can´t live like this anymore. Yet, she knows deep inside she will. 

Now, it was my time to say something, to calm her down or to show her the light. She knew i saw her pain and she knew i felt it but helpless i was in doing much to bring her to comfort till my heart folded in those words. I knew what it was and i knew what i would tell myself and so i told her, it may seem you have fallen once again from same parachute you help onto but the ground in different. and the ambient of journey in that parachute was different. We all are so stuck on the idea of falling that we barely see the ground we have come down to. It is not dry anymore, it is whispering its love in your ears but we refuse to hear.

And then i bumped on the words whispered to my soul, i am sad and hurt because i encountered something so beautiful that the lose of it hurts. How precious it must have been but did i ever saw it in that light? I guess yeah for sometime and today this lose has reminded me that feeling joy of having something precious should be felt every day. It won´t guarantee any forever but it will reassure the joy through the journey. But i found the beauty in the sadness and i told her this. She sat there knowing the same in her heart and it gave her a little strength to move on. We sat together for a bit, had a smoke with a mind full of thoughts, eyes filled with visions of destruction yet hopes. And we drifted apart to our own dark night followed by nightmares or wishes looking up just waiting for a miracle to happen. 

KPK