Past Four Months...
It has been intensive journey in past 4 months though i have been fighting for 4 years now, a roller coaster ride started with work pressure ending up into a period of destruction for me. It was so usual for my friends and boyfriend that they did't even care anymore if i reached safely. My best friend and my boy friend have meant world to for 6 months and then this year start things started falling apart. Work took over and my heart grew more and more anxious and life took its toll on my mini family of trust, love and sharing. My safe place was torn apart, my depression came back with the strongest intensity and i didn't know to whom i should turn. I have learnt if people can't be there for you at your lowest then it's better to let them go. My father said something 5 years ago, ¨People come and go¨. I had heart wrenching nights, days where even day light seemed like nightmares. I started leaning to the night with a feeling of comfort knowing no one is looking for me or waiting for me and my pillow became my best companion. I binge watched series or some nights just sat next to the window enjoying the beauty of moon. My only companions were a glass of wine and i will light up a cigarette and enjoy the moment with so much intensity and hear that silence that i never enjoyed noise again.
Return from those two months away with a haunting memory of worst birthday ever, hell lot of fights and verbal arguments and a broken heart which never healed. I came back really wounded in ever possible way i could think of. After those 2 months i have never been same again, i hate noise even if people are talking loudly, being in a group of people has been my biggest challenge. And then i knew its time to go of all.
I knew i can try to trust people and try again and re build my bonds but truth is there is no going back. I don´t tell my heart to anyone anymore as none of them really cares or even has a heart to know my heart. I backed off and i decided to find my own life. I have been discovering new things to do in the city sometimes just a drink with new people, sometimes just a movie. Lioness underneath this skin has been unleashed and i can see it living the life like i never did.
So, here i am, i am letting you all go and if i mean anything to you, you will stay and make sure that you work on our bond. I have given more than i should have but i did and now its time for you to work and show me that you deserve to stay. If not, then i have already let you go.
I am letting you go so i can let my life flow...
KPK
It has been intensive journey in past 4 months though i have been fighting for 4 years now, a roller coaster ride started with work pressure ending up into a period of destruction for me. It was so usual for my friends and boyfriend that they did't even care anymore if i reached safely. My best friend and my boy friend have meant world to for 6 months and then this year start things started falling apart. Work took over and my heart grew more and more anxious and life took its toll on my mini family of trust, love and sharing. My safe place was torn apart, my depression came back with the strongest intensity and i didn't know to whom i should turn. I have learnt if people can't be there for you at your lowest then it's better to let them go. My father said something 5 years ago, ¨People come and go¨. I had heart wrenching nights, days where even day light seemed like nightmares. I started leaning to the night with a feeling of comfort knowing no one is looking for me or waiting for me and my pillow became my best companion. I binge watched series or some nights just sat next to the window enjoying the beauty of moon. My only companions were a glass of wine and i will light up a cigarette and enjoy the moment with so much intensity and hear that silence that i never enjoyed noise again.
Return from those two months away with a haunting memory of worst birthday ever, hell lot of fights and verbal arguments and a broken heart which never healed. I came back really wounded in ever possible way i could think of. After those 2 months i have never been same again, i hate noise even if people are talking loudly, being in a group of people has been my biggest challenge. And then i knew its time to go of all.
I knew i can try to trust people and try again and re build my bonds but truth is there is no going back. I don´t tell my heart to anyone anymore as none of them really cares or even has a heart to know my heart. I backed off and i decided to find my own life. I have been discovering new things to do in the city sometimes just a drink with new people, sometimes just a movie. Lioness underneath this skin has been unleashed and i can see it living the life like i never did.
So, here i am, i am letting you all go and if i mean anything to you, you will stay and make sure that you work on our bond. I have given more than i should have but i did and now its time for you to work and show me that you deserve to stay. If not, then i have already let you go.
I am letting you go so i can let my life flow...
KPK
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