It was just a few years back when i fell in love that i literally fell in my life, my heart was crushed and i was torn apart with no sight of where to start. Somehow, my spiritual practice saved me but it was a long journey. I had my darkest nights with silent cries followed by unstoppable tears till i fell sleep. Tears would go on and on and i will keeping looking at my phone, with no power to hold back I will text multiple times hoping that this time he would reply. Some times i will try calling but there would be nothing but a beep on the other side.
It took me a year and a few different shoulders to finally move on. I went on with falling another time and eventually getting my heart robbed again and ended in same curled up foetal position crying in my bed. I noticed a shift when i realized that i am no more the same person when it came to chasing him and asking him to return. No, i went on with my grieving and gave into my silent cries and tears in night till i stood again with nothing but my goals in sight. I went on and on, building upon my sheer dedication and willingness to contribute to other´s life.
Then i found myself all over again in the same turmoil after years of stillness in the emotional department of my heart. Once again dropped dead on the disappearance of him while he took off like he never existed. But then and there i was like a cold ice shouting inside this is it, i am not going to suffer because he left, because he didn´t have balls to confront me and say a decent good bye or because he was just a boy in a grown up men body. I went on this challenge for another week after fueling on my spiritual practice and draining by running on that treadmill. I ended up not just healed but healed from my horrifying ghostly past.
Today, i don´t know on which cross roads i am, i know it has been a long journey and deep down something is dying inside me. At nights, i won´t sleep and my appetite won´t keep yet i push myself through my own limitations and i continue to breathe. My breath may feel heavy and my eyes may seem reddish with unwelcomed tears at unfortunate times but there will a motion. There is a motion despite all the false notions. I continue to grow and some day i will know which is my path and why i am standing on this cross road once again. All i can say is, this is not the end and i know it because a woman´s heart is nothing like a girl´s heart.
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