Problem is dirty water or the spoon!!

I compare my life to a glass of water which is dirty. This dirt is reflecting my own insecurities, fears, weakness or my dark side. Now when days pass by the water stays still and the dirt settles down till a spoon stirs it up and the whole glass is filled with nothing but dirty water. I say spoon is the situations, circumstances, people around us who have the power to stir up my darkness. 

Generally, we misunderstand our situations or people and blame them for losing temper and screaming like a mad person. Oops, did i hurt your feelings? Don't worry i just hurt mine too. 

I found this principle as a buddhist practitioner but never looked at this example in this light before. I complained, nagged and blamed but now i sit here in my silence and my heart knows the truth. Those spoons came stirred up the dirt in the water. 

Solution: don't throw away the spoons :P rather clean the water. I practice to learn the source of dirt. This darkness is after all nothing but my own personal insecurities may be lack of self-love, may be i never listen, may be i can't trust or i say i trust but  already know that other person will hurt me. Problem is, i think spoon will sit in glass and dirt will still stay at bottom. That's the height of stupidity. 

Action: I strengthen my practice by not chanting just the words or suggestions given by people rather i chant to embrace who i am. I chant to understand why i react like this in a particular situation. I try to practice that next time when i will be in this situation i will try to act better. 

P.S Nothing in life is a quick fix, dirt will not vanish away in a day. After all, it is accumulation of our whole life including today. Stop grilling yourself and move ahead step by step. 

Broken heart mended through Buddhism

We all are practicing to become happy yet I never have a single day when someone doesn’t mention why I am suffering so much when I am practicing. At times my own days are so rough or I am so mentally exhausted that I can’t even bear to listen to that question. Eventually I beat myself up thinking that why did I go easy on me. I will complain to myself why did I let someone or something else become my center of life. I know my center of life has changed because my happiness has not been in my hands lately. I have come to realize that we all go through this bumpy road. We chant and practice with study and we are like rise and shine till we get soaked in our own habitual mode of practice that we lose the sight of our mission.

Eventually, things start going off note and work colleagues or friendships and relationships everything seems to fall apart. You feel like hitting rock bottom and now you are so mentally exhausted that there is no answer to getting back up. You feel hopeless like you have lost everything you had. You feel weak in your knees, can’t even get out of bed forget the idea of even going out of your bedroom. If you do get out of house, your face is so sad that you suck energy out of people who even cross you. This is the depressing part of hitting the rock bottom.

Reminder: you just forgot that you are a BODHISATTVA not some Mr/iss X. You want to hide go ahead, want to cry go ahead do it but don’t forget to come back. Be human and feel your emotions but your mission is still standing here for you to carry on.

Answer to every question is: We started suffering because our center of life changed from gohonzon (our inner buddhahood) to some stupid job, money or person. We lose the sight of the reality that we are walking on our own personalized path, just made for us with unique details. Those details can be break ups or rejection or betrayal and so on.

Solution: Wake up get back to your center of life which is nothing but gohonzon with faith. One relation or job gets over so what there are many more out there and surely much better. We are in particular situation to learn something from it. So, learn and move on to new lesson. Stability and happiness are just terms reality is being happy as who you are in mind, body and spirit. Just an example we love ourselves when we stay strong and deal with heart breaks or rejection not when we cry all night.

Let’s chant to accept ourselves and learn to appreciate who we are with a never ending sight of reaching out to the best of who we are. We all are buddhas yet we all are different, your charm is something I can’t compare myself with and vice versa. We have hit the rock bottom, good news there is no more falling, time to rise again and hold our foundation of practice with alertness. Bumps in the road are just like spicing things up, after all roller coaster rides gives the adrenaline. Use this sudden dent not to put yourself down rather use it as a wake up to see things in better way which is based on “how much we base on our gohonzon more than our mind”. MASTER YOUR MIND.

How Facebook and Whtsapp effects are more real than virtual?

In today's world, there is no way we can live without internet. Initially, internet was introduced in mobiles for easier communication which became cheapest way as well. You have free Whtsapp calls if that doesn't work you always have facebook calls with additional video option. 

Do you know some years ago there was a silent knock on the door? To which we all opened the door of our life and let an invader in making all our personal and private life into public. How funny is that while your parents have no clue where are you but a complete stranger knows you just had a hot chocolate at starbucks in a particular mall. Damn what are we really doing? We are stalked by unknown people while we are stalking our ex gfs or bfs or some time even ex colleagues as they found a better job or started living abroad or just got married and having a honeymoon in Switzerland. 

How can we say it is virtual life while we start comparing our stupid job or singlehood to a person with whom we have never even talked and they are married at a younger age. It is more real than we think. I remember the days where i was busy with my online life and my father was waiting for me to give him attention. Today he is busy on facebook while i am waiting for him to talk to me. Trust me even he is better at online communication more than the one with a person in front of him or with his own daughter.

All i am trying to say is, that break up with online friend, boy friend or a mere joke has a deeper impact on our daily life while we check our mobile in every few minutes. You don't know whether that post of starbucks hot chocolate is because that person living with depressing life has got this chance to hangout in weeks or months. You don't know that so called friend living abroad and posting a picture with Eiffel tower struggles with the french language barrier in daily. Believe it or not you are sitting with your friends and family for even a coffee or tea while that person sits in silence because he can never understand what those people are even talking about. 

I think saying stop comparing your life or judging yourself too hard because your friend has a six pack abs would be of no use. Even saying that facebook has ruined my life more than the reality would be an unstatement. My break up with online friends and turning those online friends in real life relationships has left me more crushed than real life disappointments. I had higher expectations from people not only in real life but with their expression on that stupid facebook page as well. Such stupid expectations break you for real. That one online friend who use to uplift me and would be chatting with me for hours has broke my heart for real when he stopped suddenly for no reason.

Last month i wiped off facebook app from my mobile leave a sudden void in my life but over a few days it turned out to be making peace with myself. It has not only made me feel lighter at heart but also my worries are not just mine. My worries are not based on what others have achieved and i haven't while reality is we all have different paths. I know our inner spiritual life has to be strong enough to not be affected by our environment but truth is our environment has lot more effect on us than we will ever realise. Practice finding a balance using these online apps they are very encouraging as well but don't ruin our own identity of who you are. Balance is the key.

How i learnt to love myself?

If you are a girl, woman, boy or man, if you think you are a lonely soul and here is what you need to remind yourself. Truth of life is we came alone and we will leave alone. But yet this hungry heart of mine craves for someone to love me and to love that someone to the moon and back.

You say you don't need anyone but deep inside you feel that no one will ever love you or you will never find your soul mate.

A heart wrenching pain of losing someone and not finding your better half can be scary. While you tend to run away from reality while partying or dining out with your friends but growing old doesn't make it any easier. Your fellow friends find someone and your companions list for lonely evenings start getting smaller and smaller. Till the day arrives and you have to face your loneliness and there is no choice. I was thrown in that phase where the love of my life and my own friends walked away as soon as painful days came. I was left with silence and my silent tears in the dark night till that silence was my home and I ended up falling in love with it.

You forget your true love was the love you had for yourself. You realize that the best company you can have is you and you only. You find your own path to your own passion, long lost dreams whether that was solo trip, getting in shape or long due plans for running a marathon. The lonely food is now the precious time, sitting down calmly and enjoying all the flavors of the food. Watching series till getting tired of laughing crazily. Those moments are so beautiful that now long awaited phone calls buzz also irritates you.

It was the difference of being alone than being lonely. The silence around came as a peaceful time to hear yourself, hear your heart. Trust me or not, this solo journey of life will lead to a path that people will start coming for you. Your oozing confidence of not being afraid of being lonely will bring the lonely souls to you and your energy and spark will add to theirs.

Love to walk your life and life will start walking for you.

Best remedy of Depression

"It takes one to know one" is the best way to say that who can really understand what you are going through.

That dark night or bright sunny day but you are curled up like a foetus in your bed or just might be in your heart. Just hoping to run away from the crowd yet wishing upon  to save you. My own friends and people have given up on me when i couldn't even pull myself out of bed. I would stay in bed for 2-3 days with no light and no proper food.

After all the thoughts running in my head going in a vicious circle and heart shattered to pieces, a new thought struck me. I have lived for me and i will do it for me as i am not dying like an insect. If i ever die or decided to even end my life it is not with left responsibilities, it will be with a satisfaction that i have done my part and now i can rest in peace.

Now, challenge was to get out of that dark room and reignite my flames of passion and the bright soul i have always been. So, being a buddhist i started with reaching out to my own acquaintances more than friends with a simple question, "how are you? I hope all is well". Response was astonishing, those were not mere acquaintances rather they were actually my true friends. They were so concerned about me and they actually trusted me enough that i could tell them that i had a rough patch and i was alone. They didn't judge me rather they were feeling bad that i didn't reach out to them and the one's i did, made me feel only worse. They embraced me with open arms filled with love.

My eyes were opened to the truth of depression again, it made me see who really cared about me. It made me cherish those beautiful friends i never knew existed. It made me cherish that i once again fought with my inner darkness and came out like a warrior. I feel so much blessed to have lived depression for making me so compassionate and on the way to become a forgiver as well. After all, i need to forgive those who couldn't fulfill their promise when i needed them the most. 

Gratitude is the key to all. gratitude to depression that the moon is still shining in darkness of night.

Just a piece of my heart.

P.S if you need one person to just hear to out, i am ready to do be your ears. I have been in your shoes and i am extending my hand to pull you up, just take it and i will walk by your side.

 

To The Love i deserve

To The Love I deserve,

It all starts with a hunting of heart for him, with promises, pampering, understanding, uplifting us or comforting us on our sad days. Till, we accept them as life partners and then all that is left is saving ourselves.

It all started with a beautiful fairy tale imagination, lots of love, lots of calls till we reach a day that those receiving calls turn into waiting and hoping for even our phone to ring with their name blinking on it.  It starts with little joke here and there, little compliments, that little concern after that stupid irritating conversation. It starts with making us feel better, making sure we are okay and trying to make up when they missed on something till even our existence has no meaning left in their life. Even an open demand of love make us labelled as "immature", even a request for their time makes us labelled as "demanding" till everything we say or do is nothing but irrational.

"I didn't wish upon diamonds but just a little pampering from you after all once you did treat me like your baby. So, here is what i want to say to the love i deserve. I deserve to wake up to the love through words, kisses or hugs. I deserve to be gifted with little surprises with a small message of you thinking about us or a 3-minute call for just hearing my voice. I deserve at least 5 minutes of your day no matter how busy you have been. I deserve a little shift in your routine as you are not single any more. I deserve to be reminded that i am your queen and i am important. I deserve to be uplifted when i can't keep up through my daily struggles. I deserve the respect that being a girl, i am not only making my career and living my life but walking alongside so many people including my family and friends. I deserve to be given the right to be human and be hurt at times."

I deserve to feel that you deserve me, i deserve to feel that you value me or i will remind myself that i deserve better and rest will be a history.

From

Girl/Warrior Goddess