Faith results into protection and victories - Nam myoho renge kyo

Here we go again, before I lose everything I want to write this experience, if I do cross over this phase or let’s say when I will… I will share my biggest persecution I have been through till date in 6 years of practice.

2 months ago…

 4^th August, 1:00 AM I finally reached my home back in Barcelona now what… the feeling that was so strong that I just dragged myself to sofa tired yet no close to sleep with my an empty house, my Italian trip felt like a dream with no sense of reality. It felt as if I just woke up from a nice and happy dream and here I am back to my living hell. Physically speaking no one to lean on, a shoulder to cry upon or to share my laughter with. The silence of house made me wonder if I even have any future. Even the thought of reaching the end of PhD was sucking the life out me. Going back to India, with no job or even the idea to live again in India was killing me. Just the mere thought of losing my life, independent career and being interrogated by every person I will meet there, ¨so what now, are you getting married, you know its late you should look for some fucking asshole¨ … well my brain was on fire, rethinking on what I was going through seems so foolish in picture of today. Dammit who knew I have bigger persecutions waiting for me. Anyway my first 4 days were, me living on that sofa, watching TV and going out just to buy some salads to eat. I didn’t even care to eat properly. My depression and a cycle of negative thoughts were killing and the only thing I did was gongyo, I was so sick mentally that I could barely move from that sofa. In the end, I started chanting in heart and contacted a senior leader to chant together. I asked her if I can visit her. Mystically, same day I got another message from a member next to house. And there I was exactly 4 days on that sofa and I was getting ready to visit one member and later meeting another. That night after 2 meetings, I came back to same empty house but no more paranoid. Not only this with in next two days I opened my tiny room for daily daimoku for members from my group. Members came to my house for 10 days in a row and I opened my house twice a day.

During these 10 days, the only time I genuinely cherished my life was during those daimoku and later study sessions. I was supposed to do my thesis corrections based on external reviews and print them and send by 15^th August. Though on 16^th I and my colleague found that one of the external reviewer never received that thesis as well as all the shops to be able to print our thesis were shutdown till 21^st August. I was working day and night by now. With daimoku came protection and I got my final review in another two days. Finally, by the time shops were back in action, I was chanting to print my thesis under my financial limit plus no problems in final print. I continued with my daimoku from protection and somehow just one house before i was supposed to leave my house for printed, my word file crashed. I lost all the style format i had. I felt as if i couldn´t breathe in that moment. I continued chanting in heart and i made manual changed for another hour till i got my PDF version done. Soon, the real proof was in front when I found that the amount I am supposed to pay for thesis printing was exactly what I chanted for and copies very done without any surprise issues. Benefits didn´t end there… I finally sent my thesis and later even more was just around the corner. Meanwhile after 10 days daimoku at my place, another member felt motivated to open her house for 5 days to chant daimoku. Finally, the end of august brought me to realise how my only reason to live my life is my work while my foundation of faith has only made me better at what I do … I took 3 days break to cherish my thesis submission. Oh did I forget to tell you the same day I return from my 3 day break I found some papers were missing and with total protection and daimoku I submitted everything in 2 days though still no news on that. I got back to work wondering what might have happened, who knows what happened

To be continued…

Chanting for protection, unimaginable benefits - Nam myoho renge kyo

I prepared my black coffee and sat in front of my Buddhist altar other day. I was going through the comments of all those who read my last post. I have to say I have accumulated so much fortune knowing how so many of you send me love and wishes even know we haven´t met ever or only a few times. I have to say my last post moved me and my life. It was a beautiful Friday. I went to kaikan, chanted for 2 and half hours and eventually a beautiful evening filled with indian humor thanks to another indian friend and so much laughter. As you can see, I love sarcasm, craziness and laughter… my smile is all I am.

Thinking on my smile, I just recalled my experience from 26^th July onwards. If you recall, I had already bought my tickets to Italy with an impulsive decision without knowing how I will do it without much money or where I will stay and so on. What I didn´t mention is that on 23^rd july, my flatmate left for Italy and told me that she will come to airport to pick me up if she can arrange car or otherwise she explained be a bus route. I had my tickets for Naples, Italy while I had bus tickets for Rome for 3 days. During all this crazily busy days with me doing daimoku without any specific goals. The only thing I chanted for was ¨Protection¨. I still had no money to book for hotels in Rome. Suddenly just 2 days before my trip I found out about a Buddhist member living in Rome. She offered me to sleep at her place. So far, my luggage and my tickets were ready but mentally I had no expectations rather I was hoping that my first 3 day solo trip in Rome and Naples living with flatmate and her parents would be fine. As I didn’t wana be a burden on them.

25^th July: I was running for some basic stuff and doing packing even though I was so lazy to do anything. Suddenly, I realised that I was so tired physically and mentally that even thought of Italy wasn´t helping. As I felt more concerned on how it will go then being excited to travel. I knew it was my depression side that was trying to suck me in my darkness. I knew my budget was only certain XXX euros for 8 days there, and I already found my accommodation and all. Though my itinerary was still not clear as my main goal was to be able to go to kaikan/centre in Italy. By night somehow I tried to finish my packing while drying my wet shoes with a hairdryer :P Desperate measures at desperate times :P Eventually I forced myself to sleep knowing I only have 4 hours. In morning my inner darkness was stronger to not even give me energy to get up. Somehow I made it to airport, chanting till I reached airport, Welcome to fun part, there was such a long queue that I basically found myself standing in line for one hour thinking dammit my Italian trip would never happen. Finally, I begged 100 people ahead of me in the line to let me pass a si had only 10 minutes and I did make it to my plane. At last, reaching airport and seeing my flat mate and her dad so excited for coming to pick me up that it made me relax a little. And a whole new journey of benefits started coming through. I planned my trip in Italy after planning when and which days i will be going to kaikan. I changed my itinerary based on the availability of people with whom I could go to kaikan. Eventually I was in kaikan of Salerno and later in Rome. I even attended the ceremony of people receiving gohonzon and later a small get together at one of the members who received gohonzon.

Did I tell you, in Rome I stayed in the house of member not on a couch or something but she had a whole another apartment with my own privacy, double bedroom and so on. The list good things doesn’t stop there, I even could chant on her butsudan every single morning before leaving for whole day of tourism. On the other hand, staying with my flatmate was like a family holiday, her father will make our morning coffee and breakfast later we will chant for one hour and then go for tourism. I met so many people and members, in fact in Salerno, I could even lead chanting for few minutes later connected with one of the senior Byakuren who was feeling sick so lacked smile on her face but when she saw me. She was like you must be Byakuren as your smile says it all. I love how people recognize me for my smile and laugh. The spirit I carry and being the face of Buddha even in midst of challenges is like my biggest benefit of this practice. While the day of return was coming, I realized that these 8 days in Italy were first time I forgot about my PhD, Family or any responsibilities’ and had a truly kosen rufu holiday with so much happiness, benefits and eventually growing and doing my human revolution by putting practice as first even during vacation.

Oops, on the first day itself I received a mail regarding my work that one of my external reviewer had already read my thesis and send me a report. It was like a moment where I was relaxed as one thing was less to worry.  

In the end, last but not the least the best benefit that happened and that I didn´t even realised or think upon during those days was my financial karma. Like I said I had on xxx euros and now don´t be shocked my whole travel was basically covered in exactly those xxx euros. With no expenses of hotels or without counting money while I had to eat outside while tourism. In the end, my departure was filled with happy tears, my Italian mother who has always reminded me of my maternal grandmother had tears in her eyes and I knew, I have so many bonds in life to eb grateful for as well as my bond with my flatmate got profound.

Don´t worry I am not finished as benefits continued and for now we have reached 3^rd august and I will be back soon.

To be continued…

Protection prayer opened gates of benefits - Nam myoho renge kyo

A 3 month journey which was kept sealed between my lips for so many reasons but here i am ready to take my leap of faith.

With the sound of heavy rains, and my brain evaluating the words of a WD who contacted me two days back, asking if I am okay as I didn´t write any blog in past 3 months. It made me wonder if there is any way I can write upon past months.

It all started with that day where I got to know that I need to submit my thesis in 45 days, normally people write in 6 months or 1 year. Well I was in such a shock that I didn’t even know how to react and I kept laughing. Somehow I was still okay well there is no choice so let’s do it. Chant and work was my only principle. What I didn’t know was it was time to go through not only challenges of career but financial, living situation, health and relationships.

Following 45  days, i did nothing but work like a machine while living situation was so dark that I was at a point of moving or finding a place to sleep peacefully for one night. The only person with whom I used to talk about my life was gone. But despite all that I was like I will reach the end and all the movements and struggles are happening for one or the other reason. Daimoku gave me strength to say yeah I will do it. Finally, with continuous daimoku, home visits and every Friday evening in kaikan with daimoku and study I continued going further. After 3 weeks, something happened, I created many new causes for my living situation but the place I went to see left me feeling so vulnerable that I was shattered into pieces. I was left so vulnerable that I couldn’t stop my tears and my real proof was that still I didn’t have any doubts. I had a lot of decisions to make so I was lost and exhausted but finally I did everything and every single decision has turned into a clear proof. Suddenly, I got a huge protection as well in terms of my kosen rufu home that after 12 hours of writing and typing, going back to home cooked meals thanks to my Italian family. Not only this, with a spur of the moment I got a financially good offer to travel to Italy after my submission of thesis. I got my tickets not knowing what will happen (can´t share details due to privacy of other person). I was taking action and I was just going forward with no expectations. Challenges continued, my health was destroyed and an event with some harsh words left me feeling useless, demotivated for a whole weekend just 5 days before submission.
I continued with my daimoku, kaikan or meeting members, I only remembered one guidance I had months ago ¨you will see¨. I have been living in a dark tunnel, every day new mails with new issues and till date things are not sorted. Despite all that, I said something to my boss expressing how I felt and she gave me moral support. I fought on and on the evening before submission (Thursday) my bosses called me for a sudden meeting. Surprisingly, they asked me to postpone my submission to Monday. This way I got a whole weekend even though thesis was already written and read my own work and finally the work my submitted under the impossible deadline. Challenges from work didn´t stop, many administrative challenges came further on delaying the official process. I have to say later that week I had a most beautiful conversation with my mother which was a real proof of how my practice has helped me transform my bond with her. The conversation was two way, she listened to me and I shared how much I have been fighting in my life. She listened and said I know not everyone can do this. That evening I chanted with nothing but gratitude, I could have never imagined that it was possible to talk to my mom like that. During all these 45 days, not for a single day I missed my gongyo or daimoku.

25^th july, Victories so far… thesis sent for external reviewers, living situation back to my safe place, family stood by my side, the one person I needed was there again to support me. Above all, I didn’t give up.

I have to agree, my biggest strength in that time was i was there for ywds or my group. My human revolution was my happiness and sadness were mine, but when i step out of my room, i lived like a bodhisattva of the earth, I continued sharing practice with people and i was verbal of the fact that thanks to practice i am doing okay except i am just tired. 

To be continued…

Victories pouring through my attitude towards my Buddhist altar

Importance of Buddhist Altar

Talking about faith with others

In the midst of my challenges over years, i have been told that i should share this practice with others. I have heard these words again and again while i struggled to reach my goals of bringing friends to meetings. It is not easy despite of me talking about practice with people every day. I have always been open about my practice as i have seen my own life transformed over years. I have even talked about practice in visa office or post office or during my trips in public transport. 

I always told myself that most important is, i put seeds of this practice in others life till they encounter it again and practice. Though deep down i always craved to do more than putting seeds. Till...

January 2017 brought new challenges and it involved people asking me about practice on their own. Despite me being a real proof at my work place and people calling me Buddha or psychologist just for having a voice and actions of Buddha, but they always found excuses to never show up to my invitations for meetings. I started chanting harder that people will come to me on their own and they will be responsive. They all loved listening about philosophy from me and they would ask me more yet they will always tight schedules or so on. Eventually, i successfully turned around situation with my support in darkness moment of someone´s life,  and she came to meeting and even chanted continuously. Eventually with tremendous benefits within a span of 2 weeks she won over her situation and left practice as life was beautiful again. On the other hand, a dear friend of mine was fascinated by my passion and dedication for practice and she showed interest in practice. I decided to join her to a nearest meeting in her city. She truly cherished the experience in fact shared it with her fiancee as well. She continued her practice till date though she hasn´t been able to attend all the meetings but she goes once in a while.

This journey has been a period of self-reflection for myself and an on going process of human revolution. Initially i got pissed off with the fact that the person who had so many benefits that how she can just vanish away from the practice and become unresponsive to my messages for coming to meetings. I clearly took it personally as i realized that i expect people to practice as sincerely as i am doing it. On the other hand, my friend as she has been so consistent with it despite of not being able to meetings, i have been patient with her and i respected her journey to grow in faith at her own pace. But then what was it that i lacked or do more to help my first shakubuku in this case. The more and more i chanted, more i encountered sensei´s guidance on believing in potential of the other. There i was, sat with a moment of shock. I knew i didn´t believe in her potential to become Buddha. Suddenly, it all made sense to me. When we try to introduce people with our faith and to soka gakkai, it is not only about introducing them or knowing that even they can become happy. There is so much more to it, it is about believing in the capability or potential of this person to be Buddha. From that moment on wards, i got more conscious of my thoughts, words and actions towards people. I knew i have to become more patient and let them grow on their own pace. Recently, this person showed up for another meeting even though it was for only last 10 minutes but my sense of joy had no bounds. I was very appreciative that she made an effort and i continue to believe in her till she comes to another meeting. After all, how i am with her and my warmth is a symbol of how soka gakkai is. On the other hand, i continue to work on putting more and more seeds day by day, some times i pass on NMRK cards or some times i just talk about my journey of last 6 years. 

** Shakubuku is not about numbers, it is about how much we put in other life including trust, effort and so much more. 

I chose to invest all i have in the person in front of me and let it be my only mission. 

Happy chanting 

My new recipe to unfold victories even after years of deadlock

Here I am, sitting by my window, my favorite thinking spot and self-reflection time. I tightly hold onto my coffee mug with a sight of perfect sunset. I am all set to get down to reality and open about my biggest challenge. I would like you to make your tea or coffee, find your reading corner and sit down with me for next few minutes. This is going to be a ground breaking experience on my behalf. It has the power to unleash many victories for you as well in coming days. As I am about to give you an answer to why some of us are feeling stuck and others are having crystal clear victories…why?

I have always believed in enjoying the journey of human revolution and the path of unseen virtues leading to visible rewards as explained in Gosho (WND-1, 940). Victories will come and we will cherish them for barely few seconds and another strike of now what will happen. I have tried been an active YWD irrespective of my land of mission, language or cultural differences. I have been a very active byakuren in past 2 years and soon I will be graduating in coming months. From a shy byakuren without knowing Spanish, fear of dealing with technical stuff, today I am come far enough to deal with every challenge I face during activities. I have not only opened the door of Buddhist centre for newbies, visitors and especially contributed as a language translator for new members. Apart for this, late night meetings with fellow members due to our shared struggle on not having any time during day has been a great function throughout. I have seen people grow, won and do their human revolution. What I lacked to see was my own victories in terms of a clear real proof. I have heard endless experiences and people receiving gohonzon with my eyes filled with tears of joy. Yet, one question always haunted me, ¨What is it that I am not doing right? ¨ I went for multiple guidance with pioneers of gakkai here and later even in Germany. I raised same question again and again, ¨Same daimoku, same practice, more efforts yet I haven´t seen a breakthrough, please guide me where am I going wrong? ¨ ¨Why am I unable to change this impossible into possible? ¨ Answer: persevere, don’t be too harsh on yourself, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. I was told the same thing twice from two different leaders in two countries.

I had no clue what they meant by it, though I continued with my efforts without regressing even a bit. The only thing that kept me going was ¨you will see¨, words of a pioneer during one of those guidance. Every time I felt discouraged, I focused on these words.

Enlightenment:

It happened finally after 6 years of practice I was awaken and I found the big answer to my question. I have been begrudging my life without even realizing it. During one of the usual Buddhist discussion dinner, someone was talking about the gosho ¨14 slanders¨. At first I was taken aback as I feel the word ^Slander^ is very strong and personally I don’t like to use it at all. Yet I loved the discussion so took another step towards reading it for myself. As soon as I started reading it, I found a lecture on this particular gosho given in SGI UK. And there I was, awestruck of my own moment of enlightenment. In that moment, I know how I am too harsh on myself, I was begrudging my life. Believe it or not, suddenly every YWD, WD or even YMD anyone who has ever talked to me in their tough time, they all have been committing same error. We all begrudge our life just by comparing our own growth or victories by victories of others.

Let me break it down for us, I haven´t had that much fortune in getting sufficient results or conferences in 3 n half years like other PhD students did. I have been putting myself down because others had more results or oral presentations at international conferences. I forgot to appreciate, I have my mission and each obstacle I face right now or set back is actually my training for my big future. My efforts in gakkai are never going to waste likely said, not a single Nam-myoho-renge-kyo ever goes to waste. Similarly, my efforts will manifest on its own right time. It is exactly like the words told to me by my senior, ¨You will see¨. I never doubted these words.

To my surprise, on immediate understanding of my cause (comparing my life with others, is nothing but me begrudging my life. This is how I have been begrudging my Buddhahood, obviously I was suffering deep down due to later. Fast forward to present, here I am so much at peace with my life, I even got an invitation for an oral presentation last week. Also, suddenly my voice of Buddha and my heart of Buddha has been reaching out to many new people. I have become more empathetic with fellow YWDs and trying to make their victories as my own mission. The anxiety of what will happen might put me down at times though my heart only whispers ¨you will see, Priya¨.

Take home message:

No more comparison with fellow friends, or measuring my worth on a barometer set by society.

Comparison with anyone means we are putting ourselves down.

Comparison means we are begrudging our life.

Appreciation means victories, comparison means low life and delay in our happiness and victories

Buddha only knows appreciation, and advancing in our life.

Happy chanting