To The Love i deserve

To The Love I deserve,

It all starts with a hunting of heart for him, with promises, pampering, understanding, uplifting us or comforting us on our sad days. Till, we accept them as life partners and then all that is left is saving ourselves.

It all started with a beautiful fairy tale imagination, lots of love, lots of calls till we reach a day that those receiving calls turn into waiting and hoping for even our phone to ring with their name blinking on it.  It starts with little joke here and there, little compliments, that little concern after that stupid irritating conversation. It starts with making us feel better, making sure we are okay and trying to make up when they missed on something till even our existence has no meaning left in their life. Even an open demand of love make us labelled as "immature", even a request for their time makes us labelled as "demanding" till everything we say or do is nothing but irrational.

"I didn't wish upon diamonds but just a little pampering from you after all once you did treat me like your baby. So, here is what i want to say to the love i deserve. I deserve to wake up to the love through words, kisses or hugs. I deserve to be gifted with little surprises with a small message of you thinking about us or a 3-minute call for just hearing my voice. I deserve at least 5 minutes of your day no matter how busy you have been. I deserve a little shift in your routine as you are not single any more. I deserve to be reminded that i am your queen and i am important. I deserve to be uplifted when i can't keep up through my daily struggles. I deserve the respect that being a girl, i am not only making my career and living my life but walking alongside so many people including my family and friends. I deserve to be given the right to be human and be hurt at times."

I deserve to feel that you deserve me, i deserve to feel that you value me or i will remind myself that i deserve better and rest will be a history.

From

Girl/Warrior Goddess

Faith in the midst of struggles: Part II

In the previous post, the main idea I was willing to share was to understand the meaning of faith. We all need to understand the fact that Buddhism is not just a philosophy rather it is a practical approach to life. As mentioned in earlier post, for me: ¨ Faith doesn´t mean i will not have human emotions of fear, or doubt but for me Faith is moving forward and having the courage to take actions and surpassing my own fears¨. Lately, I have been trying to use an example in my own life to use the obstacles, devils or sufferings in a fruitful manner. Generally, our first reaction to any appearance of a problem or a mere bad news is like, as I am practicing now so devils are appearing. We are so used to the word ¨devil¨ that we don´t give a second thought also to what we are saying. Apart from using this word so frequently, we even tend to say it with a negative emotion feeling like another burden on our shoulders.

My personal outlook to negativity, fundamental darkness, devils or obstacles:

For me my own life is a representation of the tree and like a tree lives through the four seasons and can´t bear the fruits and leaves throughout the year is similar to my own personal victories. We need to understand that the trunk of the tree is our own life, branches are reflecting our environment, leaves and fruits or flowers are a reflection of the actual proofs/ victories we encounter. Don´t forget the roots. These roots are representation of our characteristics like wisdom, compassion and courage which bring out thoughts, words and actions holding the trunk stronger or weaker. The roots are the reason that the trunk holds the life for years even through the harsh weather even then branches have gone dry with no fruits and flowers. These roots need nutrition like we are making a strong foundation of life using our own Buddhism practice where the nutrition for these roots are the devils, obstacles, sufferings or whatever you choose to call. When we encounter problems, we become sad instead we can be happy that here comes the nutrition for my life. 

Major issue is we tend to evaluate our life based on our branches and fruits they are bearing like success at job or love relations or finances instead of looking at how nourished our roots are or how strong is the trunk as in my life and life condition.

Outlook for sufferings:

Firstly, I would like to say congratulations to me and all of you who are in the midst of struggles. I know it sounds bitter but can you see that these obstacles are the first reflection that we are on right path. Secondly, when we realise that my happiness is not just dependent on the final results of my problems like finding a job or kosen rufu partner or house etc. but rather happiness is during the journey of finding these things. We don´t practice to live a life of suffering rather we practice to stand with dignity and pride while fighting and feel happy even during hard times. I know it is very hard to do. For first 3 years of my practice I was suffering too and challenges never stopped even though I kept growing in my practice. What I didn’t notice was that I was just sad during the problems till I found solutions to them. Till I realised this last year and took a determination that as a practicing member and as a Buddha, I must be able to live happy even when things are not okay. Lately, I have actually turned around the whole scenario. I have come to an understanding and I keep reminding myself again and again that my suffering is my mission, my karmas are my mission. As a bodhisattva of the earth each time I hit another obstacle I just tell myself, congratulations Priya, you are moving forward in your mission and here is another beautiful opportunity to show the proof.

To turn around my attitude in the midst of struggles, all I focused was on my life condition. When we raise our life condition, we tend to focus all our energy on creating causes, taking actions and using the opportunities as the source of nourishment. We have to understand that we as bodhisattvas have voluntarily took these karmas and said with a determination that I will fulfil my mission by showing the proof through these karmas. Do you realise how courageous we were to voluntarily take these challenges of karmas in the latter day of law or to be said present life? Then how can we be weak now and expect a smooth simple life for us. We all are extra ordinary beings with an extra ordinary mission and an extra ordinary path for each one of us. We have to take pride and welcome the devils as they help us reflect how much human revolution we have done and how much more we have to do. Devils are our best friends and they act as a fire to our faith and my determination to have another victory. Think about it, if everything is okay then how are we going to reflect on our gohonzon or why would we even polish our mirror.

Victory:

My fellow friends in faith saw that I have no actual proof even though I have been working hard as a leader or other responsibilities or as a byakuren and personal faith, practice and study. Their concern pushed me to a limit that they started suggesting to take a guidance even though I was happy. But they all thought that I am just pretending to be happy. Though I took their advice and took it as another challenge to talk to a leader and see if I might be avoiding it due to language barrier. Recently, I met 2 leaders of country level of Spain. I took no help and went ahead and initiated a whole conversation for half an hour or more in Spanish. To my surprise they both had no guidance for me after listening to me and how I practice. Rather my leaders told me that you don´t have a face of suffering, I don’t think you need any guidance. They said I am already creating a huge big experience. I was so happy that my determination to shine through the problems have been fulfilled. My friends keep asking me how I am so calm or happy. Some are wondering if I am on drugs like that was the funniest thing I heard. Raised life condition can do wonders and make you victorious each day rather than living with a feeling like you are in a complete mess.

Crux:

-   Raise your life condition with daimoku and connect sincerely with sensei´s heart and understand the meaning of being a bodhisattva with a unique mission.

-          Turn you karma or suffering into your mission

-          Focus on causes and take actions

-          Don´t give up on your dreams and determinations no matter how far or faded they may seem.

Happy chanting J

Faith in midst of struggles

Many of us wonder, why it takes too long for victories or actual proof to come for some while others have it every now and then. Then you try to share your heart with fellow members or friends and they say yeah you shouldn´t doubt or have fear. You must talk to the seniors and take guidance as you must be doing something wrong. And there we go other person has given you their verdict of their own judgements about you right away. To the same context here is something i have been challenging for more than a month now.

Q: How do i Practice?

Minimum 2 hours or daimoku while on weekends 3-4 hours. But last 10 days i have done 4 hours of daimoku every single day with  a gosho daily and try to apply it every opportunity i get in the name of struggle. To understand how hard it is, i leave home 6-7am of morning and return 8-9pm basically living 14-15 hours outside home. I read sensei´s guidance and book almost every day, attending every single meeting, active byakuren responsibilities and many other responsibilities i got lately in my district.

Q: What happened to my Human revolution?

I have a biggest transformation of my life lately. First around May 3rd, i realised that i am at so much peace with my past that it was simply mind blowing to me. I overcame every little bit of negative thought i had with my family or anyone. I was so happy that i was literally thinking on every little detail of my past that how every single mistake of mine has been like dots on the map. These dots connected in the best possible and suitable way for me. They all connected in such a way that even if i have missed any single mistake or any wrong decision then i wouldn´t be here doing what i love doing. I have no words to express my gratitude to my family and every wrong relationship i had because in true sense nothing was ever wrong. Every situation made me who i am today. Some friends of mine know that i had biggest challenge to get along with my mother but with no surprise in my heart she is the one person whom i have started to cherish most and most concerned about. The joy of all this is definitely beyond words.

** My learning is yes my present struggles are hard and they are exhausting but i know in near future even they will be like connected dots of my past.

Q: How long i have been struggling in this present mission of mine?

Soon gonna be 2 years :P Trust me it is hard, every morning i use to wake up with chronic depression but i don´t suffer with depression anymore. Rather i wake up each single day with a feeling like okay, here i go again and do what i must do as a bodhisattva of the earth. Yes end of the day I am exhausted like please not another day but then another morning I carry own with another determination.

Victories: Every single person i chanted for have got their victories that too way beyond their expectations and i am sure few more will be coming soon.

You must be wondering what i am trying to say here. Well, yesterday i got to know something bad like real bad news. I went home and opened my Butsudan and for like 20 minutes i just sat there looking at my Gohonzon. Till I started admiring the fact that wow i am one of those bodhisattvas who has volunteered to take all the Karma and prove that this Mystic law works. I was so overwhelmed that i didn´t chant. I was determined that i am not going to cry out of pain and do chant. I knew that every single thing that is manifesting in my environment is the answer to my prayer. I recalled every single post i have written here in this group to remember everything i have learnt in my faith till now. People think my silence is sign of pain but truth is my human revolution is so huge lately that i don´t have the need to talk or explain.

I know you are chanting and keeping targets for March 16 then May 3rd then November 18 and another year has passed by and you are just looking at others sharing their victories. Trust me once just trust your own faith for once then you will see that your mission is so huge that you are actually one of the lucky ones who are going through the human revolution first. If you are not getting the results you are chanting for it is because a grand victory is coming your way. Not a single daimoku will go to waste. Faith doesn´t say i will not have human emotions of fear, or doubt but for me Faith is moving forward and having the courage to take actions and surpassing my own fears. If you ask me ¨Am i scared right now? ¨ Answer is ¨Yes¨. But am i victorious? And once again my answer is big YES. As i know, i as a Priya might have fear but as a Bodhisattva i will never stop moving forward. My struggles and challenges are merely little bit of pieces of my mission.

Take home message:

1.       Don´t doubt your way of practice if things are not happening like you wish them to. Just keep pressing forward. You will grow in your own special way.

2.       Don´t let your challenges take you down or someone telling you like yeah you have doubt so nothing will happen.

3.       Trust your own faith and your own actions, till we move forward even if it is a single step, life is moving forward.

4.       Faith is not absence of fear or doubt but faith is the courage to take actions and surpass your own fears and doubts.

5.       Last but not least, if victory has not come yet believe me when it will come it will come in such a form that you won´t stop crying because of the joy. Because that victory will be so huge that you couldn´t have believed that something like this could have happened in your life.

Keep moving forward

Happy chanting J

Buddhism is a Triangle Practice

Life crumbles down and we hit the rock bottom; general problems of relationships, health, financial or career; life is smooth yet something doesn´t feel right; Nothing makes sense or interested in knowing the practice & we think let’s give it a try- that´s how we all end up chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo J

We practice, find members around us and go to meetings and we don´t give a thought on what is really we getting into, more than thinking that it is a machine for benefits. These things are deep may be but yet very important, getting hold of right basics is important to have a faith like flowing water and not like fire. In starting we chant and get benefits and slowly and steadily due lack of understanding or same practicing way day after day makes us slide in faith.

Did you think it was so easy? Actually honestly speaking it is, all you need is a right foundation. For my own understanding i like to call this a triangle practice.

Triangle:

Faith, practice and study –pillars of practice

Me, Gohonzon and Sensei- relationship with practice

Wisdom, courage and compassion- essence of practice

Let’s see how we apply these in daily life, while faith gives us hope, practice helps us grow and study gives a better perspective towards our daily problems big or small.

On the other hand, the relationships with Gohonzon and Sensei gives us a clarity and courage to face our problems.

Wisdom is to look at our daily problems with a right perspective, courage is to sit down for Daimoku in the time of problems rather than complaining or feeling hopeless and compassion is the most important as it help you see others pain with empathy and not sympathy.

Even though we have all the right tools in our hand then why we are stuck. In my honest opinion i think we are not stuck we are still walking the path. It is like learning all these things at our own pace. Don´t worry, it is a journey not the end that will make a difference. Something will be learnt fast then some will be learnt through tough and may be very harsh experiences.

Coming to application of these triangles in our daily life is like this: Make Gohonzon as a center of our life which means first thing is Daimoku and then take the actions for the things lying in front of us. In simply words, Buddhism is about giving our best in our daily life, this will be the secret to biggest benefits you can ever imagine. When feeling like ¨Oh my god what i am going to do now, my life is stuck¨ just take a deep breath and find some courage to sit for Daimoku and have a dialogue with Gohonzon. Go back to sensei´s guidance and the conclusion is keep moving, conquer your problems step by step. Still feeling anger or fear, trust me it is natural all that matters is are you going to face it or try to run away. Running for guidance and still feeling like crap. Chill my dear friends in faith, we might think we have no hope yet the act of looking for inspiring guidance and words is the act of saying you still have hope inside your heart. If there was no hope then why would you even look for something outside? Daily Buddhism is not letting yourself being sucked in the bag of fear or loss. Buddhism is not being perfect but giving your best even while knowing your own weaknesses. Buddhism is walking with your chin up in midst of problems, it is a daily act of putting up that smile of bodhisattva, not a fake one but a smile that reflects our life state about we will do it and finally our approach to life gives hope to people around us that life is worth living even in the series of shit happening every second. I love concluding this whole with a simple thought, we all stand in our own battle fields and no one will know how we feel in our life. Yet we walk with dignity and with an expanded heart to accept people around us with their own flaws. Accept others and respect them for fighting their own wars each minute of the life. By doing this we naturally create value in our daily life. Buddhism is 24*7 J

Making depression as an asset through Buddhism

How many of us really know what depression is, I guess barely the people who actually suffer. In scientific terms, the level of depression varies from a mere temporary phase to a daily challenge. It is not a mental problem so stop judging people by saying they are negative or pessimistic as you never know how much a person is trying hard to even survive on the hourly or daily basis. Depression is nothing but a chemical imbalance where one person has a higher tendency to feel sadness than others. Some people out there goes in a phase of merely seclusion not talking much or lack of appetite while others can have severe suicidal thoughts and daily fight with their own fundamental darkness to still go on. Based on culture and country, some people say it openly that yes they have this problem and they go for counselling while others never even realize or say it loudly that yes they have depression.

Well how Buddhism plays a rule in this medical issue is very interesting? With the changing lifestyle and more attraction for materialistic things, love, perfect body, big home and a big fat salary yet a happening life has put us under a lot of pressure. In result to all this, lately we all suffer with this problem at some level or the other. Now the good thing is as a Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism practitioner, I have found a tool to take the responsibility of my life in my own hands with chanting: NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO, human revolution and with expansion of my own life, I can deal with it. I met a Buddhist leader once and in his lecture he shared that he suffered with chronic depression and still he challenges it on daily basis. But like Buddhism says we all are special with our own characteristics. We don´t need to change ourselves rather we need to create value with our own special qualities. While a shy person can use his shyness to be a good listener, an extrovert person can become a leader and a short temper person can stand up for the right things. Similarly depression has its own benefits like it has blessed me a compassionate heart to see others with open mind and not judge them, empathy to not any less for their pain and problems than mine. Rather a heart of compassion holds the power of empathy but not sympathy or pitying on someone. You can genuinely be there for others without any judgments about them or their actions.

Scientific logic:

Have you ever heard about the concept that before public speaking if you are nervous shout and release it? Similar logic helps in Buddhism with continuous chanting with a determined sound helps your body release your emotions while the determination leaves you with a positive image in your head. On the other side Buddhism and your faith in practice always leave you with hope and self-belief that you can do anything which seems impossible. Nothing happens outside it all happened by your own responsibility for your own actions. The main cause behind depression getting worse is we start turning into our own shells. While with continuous support of Buddhism members, I never need to hide in my own shell. While buddhism activities helped me polish myself as who I am and make me realize of my own inner potentials. Personally I as a shy person for my whole life realized that I still prefer to be a listener but when I have an opportunity of presentation at work or somewhere else I simply enjoy it. I found poetry and sketching as my ways to deal with my emotions in a constructive way.

Sometimes people have popped up the question if it can be cured I will say yes and no both. I am not going to preach anything, I am going to tell you my side of story. Yes I suffer with depression and panic attacks and have faced the chronic phase for really long time. But I no more worry about it. Every time daily affairs try to bog me down I know that I am lacking a sincere practice and I immediately go back to my chanting and reconnect with my own Buddhahood i.e. my best friend. I also become more active in my daily life through Buddhism activities, making an effort to meet other members or friends and family. Thereby, depression can be constructive as well so stop bothering yourself with the idea that you are suffering with a problem rather standup and take pride in yourself and cherish it. Believe me with Buddhism practice you will discover a new side of it, people will see the genuineness of you while you try to stand by others side in their problems. They will find a real person in you. I bet you, may be you won´t be there for their happy times but they know that you will always be there for their bad days.

¨Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Suffering and joy both are the facts of life.¨

Happy chanting J

Does chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo has any rules?

Are there any rules to make our prayers answered? If not then what is it? Why we suffer?

In the time of sufferings especially that has been going on for too long, everyone's victory or successful experience seems like a fairy tale. I am sure for each one of us our sufferings are the biggest, and we are the fighter standing in our own war field and facing it. The reason they become the biggest sufferings to us is, they wakes up our deep innermost fears.

I started this practice about 4.5 years ago and i wonder if my karmas are still standing there. I have a lot of challenges going in my life from health, relationship, financial and what not. Beauty behind all these dark clouds of sufferings is I have surely come far in my own life. I am no more running after happiness as I know it's just me who needs to accept myself, love myself and improve myself to become better then who I was yesterday. I have come to an acceptance that i am only responsible for my own actions and not others. I don't have the thoughts to blame others anymore, I don't fight with others when the things don't go as i planned. Answer to that is, i know it's just me who has full potential to control my actions and reactions to other´s actions. In fact it is not some lack of fortune/luck rather it is lack of wisdom, courage and compassion from my lack of chanting Daimoku, that makes my days difficult. Surely, this is an inconspicuous benefit of this practice only. Even though I kept falling and falling but I kept getting up one after another fall I had. I still continue to do the same, some days can be easier when i don´t let others overpower my life including my own mind and then other days i can be bogged down as well due to lack of wisdom. 

Today, I want to call out to each one of the bodhisattva of the earth (people who are trying to bring out their buddhahood) and request them rise above your sufferings. I know you feel tired and exhausted and it seems like this is it. I can't take it anymore. I know you have got lost in the puzzle of finding answers of why things are not changing, why me, why and why? Stop right there, why? Because you are asking wrong questions and so the answers are not coming and then with this circle of wrong questions and no answer and again and again makes us drained out. Let's not repeat our same actions to have same reactions, it's time to ask the right questions i.e. ¨how? ¨ How i can overcome it or how should i deal with it or how should i react to it? Answer is go back to gohonzon and pour out your heart and chant like it’s a dialogue between you and gohonzon (your innermost Buddhahood). The dialogue that would be honest, clear and so true in its own way that you might have to finish that dialogue without even wanting to because you have to deal with other work or go to office etc. This dialogue or chanting doesn't need some prescribed time like a medicine prescription or it doesn't need to be just some written prayers on paper given to you. This dialogue or chanting comes with no other rule than put it out through heart. This dialogue is like making the strongest bond of your life with gohonzon and none above it. This is your time, your moment and you have nobody to tell you how to do it or why, you do it by simply following your heart, feel it and listen to it. 

Enjoy chanting like never before 

How to start the Nichiren Buddhist practice

Our lives are surrounded by the different religions and philosophies and we all are in search of the one i.e. most suitable for our lives while fulfilling our personal needs. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo helped me in growing spiritually which lead to the personal growth to help me deal with my daily life and making best out of ongoing circumstances.
So, as a beginner and now being on this path for quite some time and still going on, here is what i have learnt as a beginner and i still continue to learn. These basics can help anyone who is new to practice to have some basic grounding and progress along the way:

How to start?

Basics of the practice include 3 main terms, Daimoku (Chanting: Nam Myoho Renge Kyo), Gongyo (recitation of 2 chapters of Lotus sutra including some silent prayers) and Gohonzon (Paper scroll inked by Nichiren daishonin in chinese symbols with Nam Myoho Renge Kyo in the center, it is an object of devotion reflecting the Buddha nature that one can achieve when we chant). All we have to do is chant and do gongyo twice a day like morning and evening. It sounds super restrictive but it isn't. Logical point of view for this is, morning chanting and Gongyo helps with starting our day with fresh determinations and vow to give our best in our upcoming situations while in evening it is more like a gratitude practice, for being able to give our best wherever we could and to re-determine for the next day. As in the previous post i did mention that chanting brings out our Buddha nature to face life with wisdom, compassion and courage, morning Daimoku creates a strong foundation for the day. Whereas through the daily life and so many fluctuating circumstances of the day one gets bogged down with so many emotions that evening Daimoku lifts our spirits again. In principle, it is all about the heart so one can chant whenever they like and as long as they like.

P.S: Heart is all that matters, for starters you can just sit in some peaceful place facing a blank wall and chant with open eyes loud enough to hear your own voice. Open eyes is important as chanting is like calling out and talking to your own buddha nature, remember when we talk to someone, we sit properly and with open eyes as a matter of respect. All the practicing members can apply for the Gohonzon while the process differs on the base of country you are practicing in.

Foundation of practice:

Our practice has its strong foundation laid down on the 3 pillars of Faith, Practice and Study. Faith is about chanting and keeping the practice as the center of our life no matter what circumstances we are in, including happiness or sadness. Practice includes, Daimoku and Gongyo recitation while we have some monthly meetings and we are allowed to meet members or visit them to do Daimoku together (referred as home visits) and study. Study includes the monthly magazine of our organization and the other books written by Ikeda Sensei, president of our organization named as SGI: Soka Gakkai International.

History of Soka Gakkai International:

After Nichiren Daishonin inscribed Gohonzon and explained that the core of Buddhism is encapsulated in the Lotus Sutra. The crux of Lotus Sutra is Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. Also, buddha nature is universal and it is inherited in all the living beings. Therefore, chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo leads to bringing out the best potential of oneself filled with wisdom, compassion and courage.

In 1930, an educator and author Makiguchi build the organization named as Soka Gakkai. Soka Gakkai means, value creating society, we all are part of this organization with the main purpose of creating value in our own life and others even in the midst of challenges. In simple words, become happy and spread happiness as chanting is the tool to be happy.

Later on, Josei Toda, closest follower of Makiguchi became second president and promoted the idea of Buddhism as the self-empowerment practice. He also stressed upon the term "Human Revolution" reflecting that by our own personal heart transformation and with actions one can lead to enlightenment in the present lifetime itself.

Presently, Daisaku Ikeda is our 3rd president of the Soka Gakkai and continues on the path set forth by Toda Sensei and stresses upon Human revolution by basing our life on the 3 pillars of Faith, Practice and Study. At present, 12 million practicing members are spread all over 192 countries and it continues to grow further.