Day after day, something moves in me. Day after day, something stirs me up. Day after day, I keep falling and rising again. And day after day, I keep chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo and practicing harder.
I faced many challenges and I overcame some while others I know those victories are in process. Sometimes we don´t see any real proof but is it really true? I worked hard to challenge my work karma but still I feel as if I have not moved even an inch closer to them, forget about making that impossible into possible. Not only this, two months back a lot of things have changed. My personal life in Spain has always circled around Gakkai people. And when those relationships took a down fall, my life took it too. This strong shift not only left me feeling lonely but at first I lost my capability to trust gakkai members again.
Interestingly, with my continuous practice, I came to a realization that it is not first time when something like this happened. 3 years ago, my life was soaked with people at my work place. I lived with them, cooked with them and I got confused between work relationships as friendship. So, once again I felt like my karma from past was resurfacing but this time in Gakai. My immediate instinct was I need to learn something from this or this negative cycle won´t leave me in peace.
Therefore in past few weeks, I spent fighting my inner devils and kept facing the decline, disgrace, censure, or suffering (the four adverse winds) (Ref, Gosho: The Eight Winds, vol 1.). It started with my gakkai or personal life in Spain which later own extended of becoming visible from invisible at work. I have always kept my head down and mouth shut at work. But this year it was different, I started a journey of building a better me. In result, things like how I carried myself, how I voiced my opinions or ideas or asking questions in group meetings brought me in lime light. Suddenly, people knew I exist and at times I got some looks as well. At first, as I was in my own emotional turmoil and facing wind of huge human revolution, I got affected with movements at work as well. Then, my experiments at work failed all over again and I lost hope of ever changing my situation. Until, I pushed harder in gakkai and rise above it.
Actions: I have been working 11-16 hours per day depending on the work situation, later even if I reach home at 9:30 pm I had one activity per day for last 2 weeks. While this week was a bit slower yet it is invested in gakkai as I got some intense guidance last Sunday and all my force is to put that guidance into action.
Observation:
1. I have learnt the importance of never mixing work with personal life and similarly in gakkai. I meet or talk to members as fellow members, support them or they support me but only in terms of faith.
2. After 3 year and half, I have cordial relationships at work and I focus on work by working one day at a time. Honestly, my work is moving forward though soon I will be challenging impossible into possible every day in coming weeks.
3. With Gakkai, I am more and more grounded with my goals to work in rhythm with this law. Result, I shared this philosophy with 5 people at work and 2 are already practicing. While one is in my group and other is out of Barcelona, thanks to her I went to her group and got connected with more members
4. Talk about family, my mother who was once against my practice these days she is sharing with me words of Daisaku ikeda gakkai books. My father goes to meetings and my sister is already a practitioner is walking her own path.
Conclusion
Yes, there is no denying to the fact that we all want to overcome challenges and share our victory. But, just reaching one goal doesn´t liberate us from our fight or suffering. As soon as we overcome one problem, another is already waiting for us. Yes, it is easy to smile on the day you reached your goal or win over your problems, but Buddhism is a practice of every day. We need to win each day no matter where we are. We shouldn’t forget, Buddhism teaches about, ¨how we live our life¨. Each day I take a step forward, some days feel like as if I am walking backward. Some days are just hard and life doesn´t make sense. But Life is not about making sense, life is about living it and growing through the process. While life was falling apart, my faith got stronger so does my goals for Gakkai. I know I can´t see my goals in sight but something has changed that I am able to share this practice with people at my work place which never seemed possible. People talk to me, as I listen and talk to them with Ikeda´s spirirt , heart to heart dialogue. I feel the strong wind of obstacles which is a sign that I am not only growing more and more but also I am moving forward.
Take a minute today and be grateful to the winds you are facing, observe how our way of talking or listening and supporting others have changed over years or months. From a girl who couldn´t even speak Spanish forget about reading Gakkai magazines in Spanish today I not only read, but I feel those words and I share it with people. I know I am changing for better and believe so are you. We are victorious already as we fight each day and wake up with new spirit.
Happy chanting
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