It has been a long time since i shared my journey but today here i am. It's snowing in barcelona second time for this winter. And a perfect time to get cozy with my warm blanket and sofa and a cup of coffee.
A quick update on what has happened in past 4 months after my huge victory of november 18 with my successful PhD defense. Well i ran out of my visa, work contract so no money and yeah i don't come from a rich family :P and some huge health karma seeped back in and not to mention my recent break up. Above all my PhD work was still unpublished as well as the procedure to get my certificate was completely stuck.
So, my victory of PhD defense left me quite in shock and my body suddenly gave up as if the whole 4 year fight was over and i didn't know or maybe didn't feel like fighting anymore. I started doubting my victory but my immediate concern was my visa and unemployment situation.
It was monday just a week after my defense and i have been challenging each morning to chant with my flatmate from 6 to 7 am just to have protection despite of all the doubts and not a single way out. But this monday diamoku was not usual, in middle of daimoku i had a feeling that something is wrong with my appointment for unemployment office. Immediately after my daimoku i checked the date and i realised it was for same day not next day. I was shocked as if i missed my appointment then i would have no right to ask for unemployment. I sat for daimoku again realising i dont have a copy my work contract from last year and all i could do was send email to three people hoping they would get back with it. My daimoku continued and soon i got a copy of my contract from two of them within 30 minutes. Wonders didn't stop there, i continued with my 7 hour daimoku and even walking with daimoku to the office. After 30 minutes, and a magnificent experience with 3 woman who were nothing less then a Buddha with smiles, polite nature and even friendly conversations including fashion and buddhism, I left with tears of joy of real proof and protection from gohonzon with an approved unemployment despite of expired visa.
I continued with my other challenges as my health gave up and and my house was in very bad shape while i still didn't give my myself time to grieve over my broken heart. Through christmas and new year vacations i opened my house for members for almost everyday despite of my brother visiting me. I made a huge effort of doing byakuren duty on 1st Jan in morning session while enjoying my new year gongyo in evening session.
Suddenly in mid January I received my work permit with another 2 year permission though i only applied for 1 year. It was clearly an impossible to possible scenario.
I might have been a lost soul all this time with an acute clinical depression but rather than giving up i opened my house for marathon of daimoku throughout January. Soon enough my house got back into its original shape and it was a fully functioning home from everything broken. Not only this i got another day of spanish bureaucracy and i have to say it was another best experience while people were so helpful and understanding and i still managed to pay tax with a broken bank account while i renewed my visa with 100% victory. Once again i left with nothing but tears of gratitude and protection in midst of all.
February, i finally got time to grieve over emotional matters while i was still not sure who i am. It felt as if i have lost myself over past 3 months. I know everyone thought i am just wasting time or not looking for job but truth is the damage of 4 years was finally surfacing and my body had a strong reaction. I gained weight, went through insomnia and not to mention depression and anxiety were walking with me each day. Last few weeks, i went into a strong health regime which i have never done in my whole life just to be able to sleep, took two guidances but nothing touched my heart. Until, i got my first opportunity to share something in kaikan in spanish in front of everyone. I digged in my books and i was determined to find something that would touch my heart before telling others. Not to forget 3 months no matter what i read nothing moved me. Finally i found my heart and words that touched me, last wednesday i felt like myself after 4 long months. I felt like now i am ready to fight again and i was determined while soon i got dragged down with emotional matters with family. But this time i knew i am not going anywhere till gohonzon and i have a real dialogue. I participated in 4 meetings back to back including gosho, two discussion meetings and leaders meeting resulting i welcomed few more devils but as usual this time i wanted to dance with them. I found information on march 11 global daimoku campaign which so far wasn't informed to us. But despite of surviving on last few bucks i made sure to print out enough for my ywds and yesterday i cried with joy to see my group flourishing with so many ywds. My group which has never had more than 2 ywds at a point has now flourished to 6 ywds.
Global daimoku for March 11th campaign and my 7 year anniversary of my first meeting which was march 16th kosen rufu meeting itself, i can't find a way to not feel overwhelmed. I see youth from all around the world posting their pictures on instagram and i feel like crying with joy to be part of youth of soka. I seem to have put my issues way behind for now and my only prayer is for march 11th historic youth meeting. I chant for not a single youth to be left behind and we all will be celebrating our mission and our victories. I don't know where my life will be in coming days or a month or two but all i wish for is to live my life with Kaneko's smile and forge ahead like sensei to live upto my mission.
I don't know how you are feeling but i am overflowing with joy and happy tears with our mission of world peace. My emotions seems to have no boundaries and my daimoku is turning into a more and more profound dialogue with Gohonzon.
Happy Chanting
A quick update on what has happened in past 4 months after my huge victory of november 18 with my successful PhD defense. Well i ran out of my visa, work contract so no money and yeah i don't come from a rich family :P and some huge health karma seeped back in and not to mention my recent break up. Above all my PhD work was still unpublished as well as the procedure to get my certificate was completely stuck.
So, my victory of PhD defense left me quite in shock and my body suddenly gave up as if the whole 4 year fight was over and i didn't know or maybe didn't feel like fighting anymore. I started doubting my victory but my immediate concern was my visa and unemployment situation.
It was monday just a week after my defense and i have been challenging each morning to chant with my flatmate from 6 to 7 am just to have protection despite of all the doubts and not a single way out. But this monday diamoku was not usual, in middle of daimoku i had a feeling that something is wrong with my appointment for unemployment office. Immediately after my daimoku i checked the date and i realised it was for same day not next day. I was shocked as if i missed my appointment then i would have no right to ask for unemployment. I sat for daimoku again realising i dont have a copy my work contract from last year and all i could do was send email to three people hoping they would get back with it. My daimoku continued and soon i got a copy of my contract from two of them within 30 minutes. Wonders didn't stop there, i continued with my 7 hour daimoku and even walking with daimoku to the office. After 30 minutes, and a magnificent experience with 3 woman who were nothing less then a Buddha with smiles, polite nature and even friendly conversations including fashion and buddhism, I left with tears of joy of real proof and protection from gohonzon with an approved unemployment despite of expired visa.
I continued with my other challenges as my health gave up and and my house was in very bad shape while i still didn't give my myself time to grieve over my broken heart. Through christmas and new year vacations i opened my house for members for almost everyday despite of my brother visiting me. I made a huge effort of doing byakuren duty on 1st Jan in morning session while enjoying my new year gongyo in evening session.
Suddenly in mid January I received my work permit with another 2 year permission though i only applied for 1 year. It was clearly an impossible to possible scenario.
I might have been a lost soul all this time with an acute clinical depression but rather than giving up i opened my house for marathon of daimoku throughout January. Soon enough my house got back into its original shape and it was a fully functioning home from everything broken. Not only this i got another day of spanish bureaucracy and i have to say it was another best experience while people were so helpful and understanding and i still managed to pay tax with a broken bank account while i renewed my visa with 100% victory. Once again i left with nothing but tears of gratitude and protection in midst of all.
February, i finally got time to grieve over emotional matters while i was still not sure who i am. It felt as if i have lost myself over past 3 months. I know everyone thought i am just wasting time or not looking for job but truth is the damage of 4 years was finally surfacing and my body had a strong reaction. I gained weight, went through insomnia and not to mention depression and anxiety were walking with me each day. Last few weeks, i went into a strong health regime which i have never done in my whole life just to be able to sleep, took two guidances but nothing touched my heart. Until, i got my first opportunity to share something in kaikan in spanish in front of everyone. I digged in my books and i was determined to find something that would touch my heart before telling others. Not to forget 3 months no matter what i read nothing moved me. Finally i found my heart and words that touched me, last wednesday i felt like myself after 4 long months. I felt like now i am ready to fight again and i was determined while soon i got dragged down with emotional matters with family. But this time i knew i am not going anywhere till gohonzon and i have a real dialogue. I participated in 4 meetings back to back including gosho, two discussion meetings and leaders meeting resulting i welcomed few more devils but as usual this time i wanted to dance with them. I found information on march 11 global daimoku campaign which so far wasn't informed to us. But despite of surviving on last few bucks i made sure to print out enough for my ywds and yesterday i cried with joy to see my group flourishing with so many ywds. My group which has never had more than 2 ywds at a point has now flourished to 6 ywds.
Global daimoku for March 11th campaign and my 7 year anniversary of my first meeting which was march 16th kosen rufu meeting itself, i can't find a way to not feel overwhelmed. I see youth from all around the world posting their pictures on instagram and i feel like crying with joy to be part of youth of soka. I seem to have put my issues way behind for now and my only prayer is for march 11th historic youth meeting. I chant for not a single youth to be left behind and we all will be celebrating our mission and our victories. I don't know where my life will be in coming days or a month or two but all i wish for is to live my life with Kaneko's smile and forge ahead like sensei to live upto my mission.
I don't know how you are feeling but i am overflowing with joy and happy tears with our mission of world peace. My emotions seems to have no boundaries and my daimoku is turning into a more and more profound dialogue with Gohonzon.
Happy Chanting
